No-One is Alone

Fair enough. (A heavily shopped photoblog ;)

2009-06-08T01:11:00.004+01:00

Strawberry Fair yesterday. I met some awesome new people, got a little drunk, thrashed to some great bands, saw a man dressed as a horse. The usual. Got some nice photos from it that I played around with in Photoshop cuz that's how I roll. Take a look. Hey you might even see yourself! Intense right!

Jamie "Jamir" Smith, MaxComp, Narayan OH

Georgia and Colleen =)

Me and NarayanOH outside the Future Tent

Rachel Bright Eyes =) and MaxComp

J in grey and Colleen in supercolour woop woop

NOT MUCH ELSE TO REPORT I'M AFRAID. I'M STAYING UP TIL LIKE 4AM WATCHING WWE CUZ I AM COOL LIKE THAT. OH WHERE'S POUNDER?? FML GOGOGO ENJOY THE REST OF THE BLOG I'VE GOTTA GO! xo

How Great Things Happen When You Give Up Hope

2009-06-04T22:41:00.004+01:00

SO I'M TWENTY YEARS OLD.

That sorta thing comes and goes you know. Everyone thinks you'll feel different overnight. That's er, that's not true. Except I had to, out of necessity and a promise. I vowed to drop my emo shit and play it straight from now on. So that's what I'm doing. I instantly feel more smiley and optimistic. Even got a celebratory haircut to seal the deal didn't I? Yeah I wanna be all like OH i'm sXe baby, real straight edge. But that's a lie. It's something I am interested in, sure. But I'm also interested in getting drunk and ridiculous. That probably outweighs the desire to be part of the Straight Edge scene. At least I can still be hXc and cXc (I think I just invented that but it now means Crunkcore. Spread the word kids.) Acronyms with large X's in the middle are always cool right? I don't know how to feel about not being a teenager anymore.

The Past

Part of me wants to cut it all off. Just totally forget it. 16-17 was the worst time of my life. I left school too early and I fell into depression, cutting, addictive behaviour, violence, crime ... Everything that could go wrong did basically. I lost friends I should never have lost. I made friends I should never have made. I did stuff I should never have done. I was wasting my life away in a place that was gonna kill me.

Part of me wants to cherish it. Just remember every single detail. 18-19 has been the best time of my life. I moved to Cambridge and found my home. I now have the best friends; Jamie, Rach, Dave, Pat, Colleen, Lav, Narayan, they're all amazing. I love every one of them so much. Everything that could go right did basically. I stopped cutting and sorted my life out thanks to some important words from important people. I made friends I'm so thankful for. I ~~met a girl~~, eventually, and I did things I'll always remember.

The Present

College is nearly done. This makes me equally sad and hopeful. Sad because I know some people will drift apart, and nothing will ever feel as good as some of the days we've had. When everyone connected and loved and lived all in the same moment. When the nights were long and the living room was on the front lawn. Hopeful because change isn't always for the worst. New opportunities and new places, new but hopefully old faces. It's gonna be tough for everyone to get around to visit peeps at uni, people are gonna be huge distances apart, but it'll happen. Swear down. The people I most care about visiting are gonna be in Cambridge or up in Lincoln my old hangout anyway. So I should be cool. I just worry about everyone else. Please, don't let people who matter to you fade out of your life. Because it's the biggest mistake you'll ever make. One night it'll hit you what you lost and you'll regret it forever. Trust. Only FS4, TV studio and FMP remain. 2 of those will be fine. FMP will not. However, who gives a shit. Stop taking life so seriously.

The Future

So I'm going home after College finishes. Probably not for the entire gap between College and Uni (I'm heading Bournemouth btw. Scriptwriting fyi) but for a while. Gotta see mum, and dad I guess, and probably do something stupid with my old friends. Eugh. I'd much rather stay up here, but I don't have a place or any money to live. SO I guess that's out. HOLY FUCK wow ok. That hurts. Shit ... Ok I'll deal with that tomorrow. Hurrrr girls kill me. Never mind. Non-emo = no heartbreak. certainly not. MMM so yeah, Bournemouth in September provided I get in, otherwise it's London South Bank for me baby. I don't particularly care. Tbh if Bournemouth didn't seem so good for the course, I would have no problem at all going to LSBU, england's worst university. Just cuz of location and stuff. Ravensbourne is pretty close for Dave and Westminster is closer still for Narayan. Oh and Wimbledon for Zeeee!! Wow.

In the end, I have decided to let life do what it wants to do to me and stop taking it so seriously. Give up hope on anything ever working out how you might expect. Just keep a positive outlook and see where I end up. Sometimes, just sometimes, great things happen. And sure, I'll work for what I want and work damn hard, but I'm not gonna waste my time on pointless ventures or pointless people. I'll do anything for my friends, cuz in the end we come to this world with nothing and we leave with nothing but love. Everything else is just borrowed (thank you Mike Skinner =P). Right now I'm gonna smile. Things might go wrong, but I have a feeling they might just go right. It's all to do with your outlook. And I don't mean Outlook Express. One of Zee's posts inspired me today. She is amazing in every way. FANBOY =P.

Strawberry fair Sat'day innit, I'll probably end up there at about 9 or half 9 after a day of trolling round town and eating some meal. Pity that Colleen will probably have left by then if she turns up at all, and I dunno about J and Narayan. ARGH could do with some more cash in hand but whatever. Friday today. gotta go to the bank later erm should I miss Key Skills and go in the morning or try and get back quick and ... No i can't do that they close at like 4:30. fuck my banking. OH WELL Ski Kills has gotta be missed then. And it will be missed.

Soundtrack to my life. Past, Present and future.

Papa Roach - Scars. Summer 2006. Disaster and redemption.

3OH!3 - Don't Trust Me. Early Summer 2009. Giving up and moving on.

Brand New - Trees/Brickhouse (live). Uni time 2009. Brand New.

Did ok I think.
Thanks for sticking it out.
xo

We were never here

2009-05-22T23:28:00.009+01:00

First things first: I hate fruit tea. Don't ever buy me it or administer it to me it's fucking Mexico.

Second things second: I get more worried by not having my friends around than things I should be worried about like not being able to pay rent/my phone contract/life.

Third things third: My mum is a hero :)

Fourth things fourth: Zack and Miri make a Porno is a lovely film, plus it has Jason Mewes in it and he has some sick ink, plus that porn star. Good times.

Fifth things fifth: I wish I'd taken more chances.

Oh and sixth things sixth: Long long long phone call to the girl i love is a good way to make me feel happy happy. Well weapon.

NOW LET ME SHOW YOU SOME THINGS :L
MUSIC. HERE IS SOME MUSIC I HAVE RECENTLY ENJOYED. YOU MIGHT TOO. YOU PROBABLY WON'T. I COULD CARE LESS. (yeah so my music taste sucks get over it)

A Skylit Drive - Wires and the Concept of Breathing (2008 Post-Hardcore)

Mercy Mercedes - The Perfect Scene (2008 torrid pop punk but it makes me wanna dance like a retard)

Brokencyde - Freaxxx (2009 ... Crunkcore? I don't know what that is but it's what they call themselves. I ... I can't even explain why I like this. I hate myself. It's just so funny. I really hope se7en, Mikl, Bree and er ... douchebag aren't taking themselves seriously. SC13 babbyyy)

Radiohead - No Surprises (1997 - My favourite Radiohead song and for some reason I've been listening to it a lot lately. Is it about suicide or something? o_0)

The Maccabees - Love you Better (2009 indie poster boys. First indie song I've actually really really liked. You've done well for yourself boys, new album and allsorts. Patrick loves it. It's a future festival beast.)

Bon Iver - Skinny Love (2008 acoustic, this is the live performance on Jools Holland. The passion in this guys voice actually makes me wanna cry. So good.)

Currently watching: Flicking between Rugby League highlights on Sky Sports 2 for Steve and Scrubs on E4+1 for me.
Currently listening: TV, Taking Back Sunday new stuff, The Morning of - Shine.
Currently consuming: AWFUL AWFUL Fruit tea, very reluctantly I might add, Cadbury's Dairy Milk avec Caramel.
Currently surfing: www.blogspot.com, www.youtube.com, www.tvguide.co.uk, www.qwantz.com, www.flickr.com
Currently chatting: Rach MSN, Narayan MSN, Colleen MSN, Steve irl

Street art is FUN

This blog was ok. Not great, but ok. Ahh Like I care. Come stalk me on twitter @AKDB if you wanna know me more intimately. We can't have everything. Much love! Keep it foolish!! xo

FIX UP LOOK SHARP!

2009-05-19T01:55:00.001+01:00

Yeah so I got a whole new look
How'd you like it?
New shit still to come
It's a strong game for me. J helped a lot.
He's a hero.
Things are good today.
:)

Everything. (and nothing.)

2009-05-11T23:56:00.006+01:00

THIS IMAGE MAKES ME HAPPY

Everyone should use plurk because the potential
For update/comment humour is amazing. See example:

SO.
I want to take you back to my happiest but at the same time
most melancholy moment that I can remember. It was sad
but for all the right reasons I guess you could say?
It was also the closest I'd ever felt to anyone else ever.
I don't know if it still is. But it's up there.

See I was in Wragby, in 06, with the old crew. And there was this one girl, Emma, and she was beautiful. I mean honestly she could have been a model. Maybe she is now? I don't know. She had the most amazing eyes. Everything changes doesn't it? ANYWAY the point is, one night I met her on a bench, or should I say 'the' bench and she was crying. I talked to her a little, tried to make her feel better. Anyway I eventually found out she had split up with her long-time boyfriend. He was a mate of mine too so I felt bad like, for both of 'em. Just cos' I knew they were really in love, I mean sometimes you see a couple and you just know. They felt like forever. After a few minutes of silence I got my phone out and played a song that I knew she liked. I started sort of singing it to her and after a few seconds she just collapsed on my shoulder in a flood of tears. I held her tight and told her everything would be ok.

They got back together the week after that. I've never felt so helpful and helpless at the same time before or since.

#322 - Someone who will watch the sunrise with me

I found this amazing feed on tumblr. If you don't know what tumblr is then go find out. Anyway this is brilliant. And yeah it's written from a women's POV but who cares? It's still awesome. If you think you can do better then I dare you to try.

SO I DON'T LOOK THE SAME AS I DID. RAWR.

Pacman. ftw.

#386 - Someone who will take an interest in what I have to blog

One day I'll walk away and you'll be all like 'oh shit I probably should have made out with him at least one time. He looks like some kind of smooth operator' and by then it'll be much too late. Just remember: Feelings are boring, kissing is awesome.

It's Zoe's and Ruth's birthdays today. I have no idea if I got the apostrophes or lack of right there. Although I'm not as bad as Steve at positioning apostrophes.
Anyway yeah, how weird is that?
Some of you may know what I'm talking about, others will not. Don't lost sleep over it.
TALKING OF LOSING SLEEP, HERE I AM DOING THIS FUCKING BLOG AT ALMOST 1AM, I'LL BE UP TIL LIKE 4:30 COS OF THE WWE AND TOM SHAMBLING IN AT SOME POINT. NO-ONE EVER ACHIEVED ANYTHING ASLEEP RIGHT? not that i'm gonna achieve anything anyway but still. fuck it.

THIS IMAGE MAKES ME LESS HAPPY

Hey I'm an NFL fan so I appreciate a Cardinal more
than most, but still! What is this? I've heard the new
single ... errrr I dunno. It's a grower perhaps? It
definitely didn't hit me as much as some of their early
stuff. It doesn't have the power of We Are The End
or To A Friend that's for sure
(oh btw we're talking about alexisonfire here. noobs) Anyway.
I know Zoe isn't so impressed.

BUT GO MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS.

SCREAM UNTIL YOU KNOW FOR SURE.

#485 - Someone with eyes so beautiful they make me wish you didn't blink. (Although that'd be pretty freaky.)

We're gonna make these last few weeks the best of our lives. Everything changes, and nothing can last forever. But memories stick around. So does photographic evidence. So let's make a pledge right now. We make this everything we can. We live dangerously, we take risks, we be who we wanna be, and be with who we wanna be with. We take too many photos, we laugh too loud, we get in trouble and get out of it. Because none of this matters if you're not living. YOU DO WHAT YOU LOVE AND FUCK THE REST. Be reckless. Take a chance. Fall in love.
Dwayne. We are all Dwayne.

"giochero fino a che il cielo non sia nero" -z.h./aof

A siren and a birdsong
The juxtaposition isn't lost on me
Death and life.

LIFE YOU ARE RIDICULE, FUTILITY, TORMENT, FRUSTRATION, PAINFUL IRONY, SORROW, EMPTINESS, LONELINESS. DESPAIR, HEARTBREAK, ANGUISH, ANGER, INJUSTICE, LOSS, TRAGEDY, DISASTER.
BUT WE LONG FOR YOU. AND THERE IS NOTHING ELSE. BEING ALIVE IS. IT'S PRETTY COOL TO LIVE.
Yet still, one day we die. And then nothing will have mattered. But we comprehend that when we choose.
FOR NOW SIGUR ROS BIRDS.

christ ...

What have I just done?

Back by special request

2009-05-10T11:47:00.004+01:00

Man it feels like forever ago that I last blogged. It was quite a long time wasn't it? Dear me. Well listen, Zoe was like 'oh man do another blog' and so here I am. Blogging. And actually this time I do have some stuff to write about. You lucky, lucky people. First of all I think I'll share a few photos that I've took recently, just ones that make me look talented with a camera. If you're an avid fan of me anywhere else on the internet (and why wouldn't you be quite frankly) then you might have scoped a few of these before. Either way they're here now so just calm down and take a look.

Narayan playing an exclusive acoustic set at J's.

A random Balloon down near Mill Pond in Cambridge

Little bit of motion blur action at CRC

The classic dandelion depth-of-field shot

That'll do for that then. I never really wanted to be a photographer but I like doing it you know? It's a hobby and guess what I'm pretty good guys ;D SO yes onto more or less more important matters. Man, this 80's music countdown has just turned up on TMF. Let me just say that YOU ARE GOLD, GOOOLLDD!! Yes yes yes yes yes.

Ok so I decided on uni's didn't I? Got my applications sorted. Bournemouth first choice, LSBU as backup - sorry Stafford. It's not you, it's me. Now I gotta deal with applying for accomodation and student finance and whatnot. Oh and I also have to deal with getting IN to Bournemouth. DMM is required. I should be able to manage it, just gotta merit the majority of FMP and I'm there. Happy days. College has been such a drag lately though, I've just lost every ounce of desire to do anything when I'm there. I know Lav and Col feel pretty much the same. A lot of the problem is that we haven't had any lecturers for like 3 weeks, no-one's pushing us or giving us any info about assignments, no-one knows when the deadlines are for stuff, it's just a mess basically. They need to sort their shit out. Apparently we've got an assignment in for Thursday. Jesus my life. Better get to work on that riiight.

So I been filming FMP lately, not just mine (cos tbf I didn't film that, Jamir did) but I'm acting in Lav's too, and I helped out on J's. If you get a chance to get to the FMP screening (June 24th I think?) some of the stuff I've seen is looking pretty good. Not mine. Or Lav's, even though I'm in it so it's pretty good by default, but Laurie's monologue movie looks amazing, and Pat's Shane Meadows-stylee beat 'em up is also looking mint. Oh brb gotta put some pasta on. Yeah so we're nearing the end of the course now, and I don't think I'm alone in saying THANK CHRIST FOR THAT. Year 1 was amazing. Year 2 less so. I guess I had some personal shit that kinda dragged me down during this year but I dunno. I still don't think the course is structured or organised well at all. Man I've made that point twice now. I should shut up about that.

So Scrubs finished in the US the other night. That sucks. That means it'll be finishing over here in like a year and a half. It's probably my favourite ever TV show. Either Scrubs or House. Or Diagnosis Murder but that's for retro comedy value. Man I really like medical shows. What's that about? Obviously I have a subconscious desire to be a doctor. I would love to be a doctor. How long does it take to be a doctor? Like seven years? I could rattle that out in a few months. Easy as pie. Nah but seriously, it takes a lot of time and commitment to be a doctor. Commitment that i most probably don't have. Ah well. Maybe in the next life eh. Oh food time. Gimme a few minutes here. Ok score. That was nice. I had red sauce on pasta with sauusaage chopped up in it. (Linda McCartney cos of course I've gone veggie for a little while.) Pisses me off, Steve keeps saying 'oh it's like saying you're a Christian and not believing in God' and I'm like 'no it isn't? I didn't say I don't believe in meat.' What it's like is I'm not eating meat for a while and seeing what happens. That's it. Ta-da.

This summer is gonna suck for me. Don't even know where I'll be living until university. But what does it matter right? I'm not saying I believe in like, 'fate' as in a set outline of exactly what is gonna happen. Cos that'd just suck. But you know, whatever happens happens. And I'm just gonna embrace it. Go for what I want and let everything else sort itself out. Our hot water is broken. FML.
Currently listening: Bob Marley - Three Little Birds with American Dad in the background
Currently watching: Man Utd vs. Man City (COME ON YOU BLUUEESSS!!)
Currently also: Playing Football Manager. Esbjerg fB.

Right then. There we go. Satisfactory. Gonna go wake steve up and have a beer. Real nice.
xo

OH p.s. If you're on twitter how about you follow these people: @ryanqnorth, @scottmccloud @dresdencodak and @untoward - all my webcomic guys. Ryan North of qwantz.com, Scott McCloud from that book, Aaron Diaz from dresdencodak.com and Joey Comeau from asofterworld.com and hell why not follow @zoe_louise too, just cos she's lovely and awesome :D

xo

For Steve, forever ago.

2009-05-02T22:11:00.009+01:00

You'll always have Paris.

ILL AS SHIT

2009-04-28T16:56:00.005+01:00

Eugh I am ill and i hate it. I have Lemsip Max cold and flu, Sudafed Day and Night (Shabadabadabadabadabadabadurrdurrdurrdurr day and night) and Nurofen Express as well as the classic Lucozade/Chicken Soup combo just to really fucking blitz this Sinusitis or Wesley Snipes flu or whatever I've got. I never really get it ill properly, so this is new. Steve's all like 'oh Bourn you're faking it, you're a skiver Bourn a world class skiver' but when I'm like 'well let me lick you then' he's all like 'NOOOO!!!' It's clear I am in a world of actual illness. Anyway, hopefully gonna get rid of this shit sometime soon. Hopefully soon enough to get to college on Thursday because college = my life. yeah I'm sad like that. But hey, it's also cool staying at home. I'm currently on the sofa with a blanket and copious amounts of scrubs, chicken soup and medication. I'm deliriously happy (or maybe just delrious. I have taken a LOT of drugs. Hope I don't O/D!) because I can't feel anything! Yay for painkillers, decongestants and antipyretics.

Hoi so yeah that's what is going on right now. I was in March at the weekend with the get up kids, we had an awesome Saturday night down the Griffindor and Cassano's, me and J and Col and Robynne and Hannah it was super cool super kuwaii ^_^ EARLIER THAT DAY we were filming with Lav. It was fun. I like acting. We were supposed to shoot Sunday too but that never worked out because Lav is a sexual predator. Or something along those lines. Good for her though, big feel. IF YOU GET MY DRIFT?! A HA HA. very good. Yeah so God knows, i can't film tomorrow though, Sinusitis/flu recovery time=4 days minimum. We'll film again I'm sure. Well, we have to, see, we've only done half. YES. Enough about that uninteresting shit. I still have to film mine at one point. Plenty of time though right? RIGHT? Haaaaaaa FML! I'm all ill and shit. My bones feel weak too. I hope it's not anything more serious, cos you know, that'd suck. Oh well, we move along. Missed college today obviously. goes without saying. BUT HEY. not like we ever do anything. OH.

THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME ACCORDING TO ME are the band Fight Fair, mainly because they sound like Fall Out Boy, YM@6, MCR and Blessthefall all at once. San Diego was one of my faves, cos' it's a little heavier, and there's screaming and shit, but I've heard 2 versions and only one is good. omegle.com is also insanely awesome. Basically you get dropped into chat with random strangers. Sometimes it's deep, sometimes it's not, sometimes it's funny, sometimes they just shout obscenities at you, often the best part is when you say something and your chat partner disconnects because it's immensely offensive, insensitive, racist, sexist, anything. everything. It's beautiful. It's just real life but condensed into an immaculate text window. Go to it now. Bacon. Also worth a mention. Interestingly it's been the only thing I've been able to taste today. Good work bacon. everything else just tastes like meh. good old nose/sinus combo. thanks for that. SCRUBS SCRUBS SCRUBS. Season 6 is like my 2nd favourite season I think. Sometimes it makes no sense like when Cox has his head shaved 2 episodes before he shaves his heads. Oh well. Qwantz.com is great today. Meat is a good choice. Got new shirts I'll debut them as soon as I'm better. Extreme new-rave pacman ghosts and Anchorman T. Epic.

I started this blog about two hours ago. Christ my life. Steve is pretty cool right now. He's my best cousin. Well, apart from Dan maybe. Dan is the future of football and totally non homo. Max respect for Dan. Anyway I love in-jokes, and i think the in-jokes i have with steve and the gang maybe maybe maybe just slightly pip the college in-jokes to the post. it's close though. ARGH WHAT A TOUGH DECISION. I FEEL DELIRIOUS. my throat hurts now. fuck my life. Right fuck this this post is becoming lose. I haven't done anything worth talking about. I haven't been to a gig, I haven't met a girl, I haven't been in a fight, I haven't been out. Oh wait i have. ANYWAY. Until next time bitches. GGGDGDSHWEJDPSHEDWEWEOAALWLAOWLLEOSWE

xo

2009-04-21T00:25:00.004+01:00

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

And now all your love is wasted
And who the hell was I

Who will love you
Who will fight

~~not me anymore.~~

I LOVE BASS BABY

2009-04-13T16:53:00.004+01:00

Guys. Check out my mix of a remix of In for the Kill by La Roux. (translates as 'the sauce' muchos lolz)
Original credit for the mix goes to Skream
But I added heavy bass samples and a couple of new loops so now I'm taking credit for it. Haha.
If you love bass then turn the sub up loud and shake the place to shit!

Download here!

... the kids from the summer

2009-04-12T21:22:00.007+01:00

I put so much in and get so little back.
I feel like I'm up against a fucking brick wall. If you don't care then I won't care. fuck it.

So where have I been since my last post? I've been home, and technically I guess I still am. 100 miles from the last place I posted from; that's where I am now. I stayed at a friends close to home Tuesday and Wednesday, we just chilled in the sun, reminisced, drank a few beers and whatever. Then I went home home on Thursday. Met up with the old crew and remembered why I felt like I had to get out of there in 07. Everything got fucked up. Just like the good old days. I fucked up. Ketamine does bad things. Magical, amazing, extra-sensory, horrible, bad things. I'm not gonna say I can't see the attraction. I was somewhere else. Yeah, it was something new. I was not myself. But the next day I was freaking out. Paranoid, hyper, just not right. It's a weird feeling, and I don't like it. It makes stupid things happen.
We went to the cinema friday to see Fast and Furious, made a right mess of it, but it was pretty fun. Friday night was weird. Not like ket comedown weird, but just ... i dunno it made me think. Such a fucking contrast from Thursday. We just cruised around, listening to tunes, drinking a little, attempting to crash a party, running from authority. Those are the nights I miss. Nights when you feel alive for the right reasons. Here's to more of those. Cambridge based please. I miss Cambridge now. It feels more like home than Lincoln ever did. I dunno. It's strange, Colleen and maybe Lav and/or narayan will be heading to uni there in September, and I'm sure they'll love it, well ... maybe not narayan so much, although there is a castle there i don't know if he likes castles. But for gigs and nightlife Lincoln is pretty cool, and awesome student life too by all accounts.

So now I'm feeling like I need to do something different. Things need to change. Most of all I want someone. A very specific someone. And I don't wanna feel like I'm living a wasted life (do I say anymore? I dunno). I just need to feel like new shit is gonna happen. And soon. Yeah you can't have everything. But i need something. Some sort of rush. some sort of new place. new person. new experiences. Yeah you can judge me if you want. But we're all gonna die. And I wanna deserve it. (c)asofterworld - linkage This post has taken a serious turn for the emo but oh well. We all need a bit of that in our lives. I bought some new shit today, a couple of rings and a bracelet and a couple of shirts. Thinking of getting my hair cut pretty soon too. Nothing too drastic, just make it a little more emo (IF THAT IS POSSIBLE?!) no of course it is. everything can always be more emo. just add little black stars. But you know I'd give it all up for you. Sometimes love isn't about how much someone suits you, but how much you're willing to change to suit them. I fucking hope Tom has my money when I get back to Cambridge (backstory: I lent him £160 a few weeks ago, cos he couldn't afford to pay for some shit. Then he went to Scotland and I came home. The rest, as they say, is history.)

As far as college and uni goes, my FMP is fucked cos my actor left at easter and so did I, and I didn't book a camera for any time before we go back. Hopefully I can get a lend of J's but still, doesn't solve the actor/timings problems. It's a load of crap anyway, I wanna be a scriptwriter not a director. I have the ideas but I don't give a shit about getting em onto film. Write. Just let me write and there wouldn't be any problems. I'm going to uni to write, but me actually getting to my first choice (Bournemouth) depends on me making this film. It's Catch 22 I guess. Or maybe catch 23 (I wish i cared enough about this to try harder.) Why is it I cared enough about that stupid Film Studies report to write 6000 words but I don't care enough about my actual FMP to organise it properly? GAH. Oh well, it could be worse, I could be Lavinia. HAHA. pure filthy banter.

In other news: 1) If anyone wants to sell me a Friday day ticket to Reading festival I'd gladly take that off your hands. I don't think I've got much of a chance of getting to GIAN at this point considering it's tomorrow. Fail.
2) I'll be back in Cambridge on Tuesday and as bored as hell no doubt, so if people wanna do shit then hit me up. I think I'm heading to March at the weekend to help Lav with filming FMP even though i should probably be doing my own. But between then and then I am down for anything.
3) Narayan if you read this and have a scanner or go to Jamie's then i could use a digital copy of the TV studio script, I failed to aquire one on the last day of term. HELP ME HELP YOU. HELP ME HELP YOU!
4) gotta sort my fucking life out. In the immortal words of P Diddy on twitter: "LET'S GO!!!" Oh and bring on the summer.

Love Conquers All

2009-04-01T13:19:00.003+01:00

I got ink today. I know right? Not the anatomical heart that was rumoured a couple of posts back, mainly because they only had an hour slot free, but also because it woulda been HELLA EXPENSIVE! But I'm still considering it - I saw a few designs in there that were really impressive. I got my latin today. 'Amor Vincit Omnia' - Love conquers all. I got it on my wrist for a reason. If you know me you know the reason. And I has pictures.

In the shop with the outline on there. I was pretty much on facebook the whole time.
I don't wanna sound like a douche but it didn't hurt. I mean it did, but it hurt goood.

Yeah so they clingfilmed me up like a chicken breast, taped me up good.
I left it a couple of hours then had it off. They guy said I didn't need to clingfilm it again,
cos it's just text or some shit. The 'c' in Vincit looks a bit like an 'e' don't you think?

And there she is. Real nice. Gotta get me some sudocrem or some shit later.
Really pleased with it, and the guys in the shop were cool too. £50 well spent.
Gonna make plans for that Anatomical Heart some time!! COME ON!! FUCKIN' HOSTILE!

After that I bought some beers. Later I'm gonna drink the beers cos the sun is out and it's warm and it's awesome. Last night was super cool too. Me, Rach, J, Narayan, Lav, Colleen all went out to cineworld, saw Haunting in Connecticut which was kinda lame. Predictable and blah blah. I remembered things I thought I'd forgotten. After we hit Pizza Hut. That was super fun. Gave rise to all sorts of new injokes. ECTOPLASM!! BLLAAUUURRGGHH!! Shit on your chest. You've got cancer and alzheimers oh well at least I don't have cancer. I'm OUTstanding. Build your salad. Filthy Banterloonneeess!! MATE last day of college tomorrow. Easter's gonna be good big feel. Love ya kids. x

My new baby

2009-03-28T17:06:00.006Z

8 Megapixel Camera - endorsed by some Germans. Can't be bad. DivX video support as standard. Dolby Sound somehow. Man it's nice.

Real nice.

Wear your heart on your sleeve

2009-03-25T00:00:00.003Z

So I mentioned in my last blog that I was thinking about getting my first ink soon. Well I was trawling Google for images and I found just about the perfect thing. What's even more amazing is this design is actually part of some kind of awesome light box that I really really want. Unfortunately they only deliver to US and Canada. Sucks. Either way here's the design.

fig.1.1

Awesome right? The question is of course, do I get just the outline or do I go full shading? It'd probably take a fucking age to finish something like that. Ahh I just dunno if I've got the patience. I know I've got the pain threshold but the patience? Not so sure. I really fancy some toast right about now. I've been eating fried rice all night. I mean, don't get me wrong it's lush but I need some bread up in this bitch. It's been an interesting night on facebook to say the least. All fun and games with Lav and J and some sound lads I don't know. Real nice. Right now I'm watching The Killers on Jools Holland and wondering when Tom is getting back. AH WELL. Gonna go get a drink and think about going to bed. But I don't think I'll manage that for an hour or two. Act right before you get smacked right or some other suitable gangster shit, PEEEACE. x

Kiss me like we die tonight

2009-03-22T11:39:00.003Z

HELLO INTERNET.
So much talk lately of university and futures and plans. I just wanna concentrate on living right now. We'll deal with all that shit later. I want this weather to hold out and I wanna do stuff starting next Thursday thanks to this: Reaaal nice.

Yeah that's a cheque for £2714.26. Not bad for 0 days work. Anyway did you know that in Scandinavia they cash cheques the same day? None of this 5 working days shit over there. No sir. Lets all move to Norway now please? Anyway, Scandinavian relocation dreams aside, what have I been doing with myself lately?

I went to Liverpool yesterday. I was meant to be visiting a school friend ... well, that's not exactly how it went down. He went to the rugby with Steve, I stayed at his place and got pissed up and spliffed up with his housemates, cos you know, what else are you gonna do with your weekend? Spent £65 for 9 hours on trains and one hectic night in Liverpool. Was it worth it? Course it fucking was. ANYWAY i took photos. Some good, some not as good. whatever.

That's about all I got. I did an album on facebook of the journey home. One of my favourite photo collections I've taken in a while. Go take a look for it over there if you fancy it. It'll probably end up on here sometime soon anyway. How the hell is it nearly 1 already? Fml I'm so bad at doing stuff. But all that will change I swear. We've got plans (I know I know) but this is gonna be good. Finally gonna see Rachel again, it's been far too long, and we'll hit cineworld and do other stuff I would think. 31st that is. You're welcome to come down if you know who and where we are. I'm sure it'll be real nice.

I'm gonna head home in the easter holidays, probably around the 6th or something. Gonna be good to see my boys again. Not a clue where I'll be staying but that's the beauty of it. It's gonna be a messy few days I can predict that much. I think James is coming down for a few days before then, and we'll have some kind of easter celebration. Jamie if you read this you should come too!! It'll be a laugh as always. Whatever happens i'm looking forward to easter. Just need a break from college you know. I wanna see people outside of college more, and if the weather is cool all easter I reckon i'll be doing that a fair bit.

Other news from the world of me: I've just about decided on a design for my first ink, I'm thinking an anatomical heart, s'gonna be real nice. you wait and see. Gonna go watch Skins on the repeat and have a think about what to spend my money on. Any suggestions you just let me know.

We're stubborn and melodramatic

2009-03-16T12:23:00.005Z

I haven't posted for real in a while so here I am. I've been doing a lot of my work on alternate sites lately. You might wanna check em out if you aren't there already; twitter.com (search 'AKDB'), plinky.com, plurk.com, weebly.com, tumblr.com (I don't really get tumblr yet. I'll figure it out if I can be bothered. Looks fun though.) - all pretty much concerned with getting out there on the internet. making friends, being connected, finding things that you share with other people. This has been my whole life this weekend really. After the disappointment of not getting to do anything with J and Dave I retreated to the (relative) safety of the internet and took a look at what it had to offer. And the answer is a lot! If you're willing to put the time in. je t'aime l'internet.

This guy is my hero. Yay for DickVanDyke!!

I got a pretty much unconditional offer from LSBU last week. If Zoe reads this, I'd appreciate your advice here on what to do because like ... I would love to live in London. I want all this ...

But I'd much rather do scriptwriting than Film Studies. I just don't know what to do. If anyone has any opinions or reasons why one place would be better than the other I'm all ears. I mean, I know it's my decision in the end but at the minute I don't really favour either place over the other. Bright lights and city streets beckon, but so does the sea and the south coast. I just don't know. HELP MEEE!!

Elsewhere in my life I got some total money worries. Man i don't know if I'm gonna be able to pay my rent this month. Sucks. I'm pretty much relying on Steve (twitter.com/stevwhite) to be my dad and pay for my food and everything. Haha he's the best cousin I could ever have quite honestly. Don't ever tell him I said so but I love him to bits. I'm sure things'll be fine. They have a tendency to work out. Fingers crossed anyway.

I been on webcam with my girl a lot lately. It's awesome but it reminds me about the distance between us which sucks. In the spirit of this post however, I am optimistic about us. Can't help feeling like we were kinda made for each other - even though I hate that freakin cliché. Anyway ... exciting times!

I feel like writing something, maybe writing for somebody. It'd be nice to have a writing job. I've been writing a few random scenes this weekend. not for anything in particular, just for something to do mainly. It's fun though. Not a lot of people would agree but hey. Horses, courses, strokes and folks. All that jazz. I got a few e-mails from people regarding our Lina assignment, the freelance one. They might turn into real contacts who knows? I'd love to be a videographer for a snowboarding company. Even a photographer. It'd be the best thing.

That's pretty much all that's going on with me right now. I'll let you get on. Fire alarm's going off and everything shiiiittttttt I'm done! X x

RUSTY SAYS: "Yoyoyoyoyo s'up! Haven't been around for a while but that's ok. I was asleep. But now the sun is out and I did a big bear yawn and I'm awake like rraaggh. Oooh I'm looking forward to moving to London. There's a big bear community there. Bournemouth? Not so much. Right, I'm gonna crack open the Coors and relax outside. How are you spending your days in the sun kids? Rusty out! ROOOAAAGHH!!"

Road-trip Mix Tape - courtesy of plinky ^_~

2009-03-12T20:04:00.001Z

Plinky asked me for three songs that I'd put on a road trip mix tape. These are the 3 that I chose after much deliberation. If you haven't heard any of them then what are you waiting for?! Go find them. In other news: Follow me on twitter to find out lol :P

A Decade Under the Influence by Taking Back Sunday

It even has the words 'long drive home' in it. Plus I love this song. Plus I love this band. Just stick it on the mixtape christ.

Come Pick Me Up by Ryan Adams

You know the film Elizabethtown? I <3 that film and this is my favourite song from it. It's a lot about driving too so hey that's like 2 in 1? Yes'm.

Passenger Seat by Death Cab for Cutie

It's a song about driving. Plus it's a beautiful song. Just put it on when you're in the car with someone you love, roll the window down and breathe it in. SO good.

I love these tracks ... so does MTV ^_^

2009-03-12T00:24:00.003Z

Hello and welcome to the songs that I like that are soooo mainstream. Sometimes I like a bit of a mainstream singalong. So shoot me.

Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon

March with Colleen and Fraser. Need I say more. OOOOOOOHHHHHH YOUR SEX IS ON FIIIIIIIRE!!

Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off by Panic at the Disco

Soundtrack to my 2006. Soundtrack to a heartbreak.

Shake It by Metro Station

Heard it pretty much non-stop for the past month or so. Patrick hates it and I love it. Infectious whispery pop-punk i don't even know.

I am using a new service as you can see called 'Plinky' at plinky.com It is pretty damn good I would advise getting your act together and getting in on it. Pretty damn good. It can post straight to other services ... which seems to have happened here. YAY!

Don't take it for granted

2009-03-11T15:45:00.006Z

This is the first half of my day in pictures. I went out around Cambridge with the camera because they were doing viewings at my place. I hate being there when people are looking around it so I left. Steve and Tom were still in bed when I went. Many lolz ensued. So yeah.

Ok so from left to right, top to bottom, you know what I mean;
1. It was sunny, I like reflections in water - this is one of the boathouses along the river; 2. One of my favourite Cambridge views, symmetry is a personal fave; 3. Some ducks chilling out in the early morning sun. They knew what was what; 4. My favourite tree in the world, it has some relevance to Isaac Newton but I'm not sure what that is exactly; 5. One of the colleges from the backs - it could be Clare's, at this point i wasn't too sure where exactly i was; 6. Me lost; 7. I found some water with a lovely reflection so i took a photo yay; 8. I has no money - poor time :( 9. Fig and almond danish - mmmmm i think maybe my new favourite thing soooo good. So good; 10. I want one of these watches! Super kuwaii ^_^ 11 and 12. Taking in the Watchmen section at Borders, the book on the right was super cool, a book of portraits of the cast/characters - pity it was £35; 13. Resi Evil 5 getting a midnight release at Game, that one's for you J; 14. Steve still in bed when I got back. Poor showing.

So that was that then. Damn good times. For free! ... Now i'm waiting around to see if me, Dave and J are gonna go do anything tonight. WHO KNOWS EH? something might happen but then again might not. Ahhh right ok well i'd better go and see what is indeed what. Hope you enjoyed a glimpse into my dull life ^_^ I'm done. X x

We pass just close enough to touch

2009-03-09T02:23:00.002Z

I have reason to believe that I have victories to taste
I can feel them on my teeth, upon my lips and in my chest
I can roll them on my tongue, they are more supple than defeat
I feel the tension in my lungs and every move is fueled by my resolve to
Breathe ... Don't you want to breathe?

Hi. hi everyone. It's been a good weekend you know. nothing has been achieved, as usual, but in it's own quiet, understated way it's been a good weekend. it got me to thinking about something last night actually. i don't know if everyone experiences this in the same way, but I was thinking that there have been several moments in my life where everything has just been ... perfect. those transcendental moments where you have no worries, no cares, nothing, you're just living in this amazing moment that makes you think 'this is what life is for.' do you understand what I mean? i think I've been lucky in that there have been four or five moments in my life where I could say I was truly, perfectly happy. And if you don't mind, I'd like to tell you about them. Maybe you'd like to share a few of your own. if so feel free! Be warned though, it's a long one. (That's what I said!! Yessssss!)

When I was maybe 10 or 11, it was the last year of primary i think, I was invited to a sleepover with a bunch of friends at Charlene's house. It was so awesome. We played Dreamcast and ate junk food and stuff. The best part was when it was like 11 at night, and what happened was I was giving this cute girl who I used to like a lot a neck massage, which in itself was pretty cool, but then we turned the like disco ball light thing on, turned the lights off, and '2 in a million' by S Club 7 (i know, so cool) came on and I don't know exactly what happened but it was kinda like time slowed down, you know how they do in some movies, when the protagonist realises exactly what he's got? Like a slow-Mo of his family laughing and joking, and him giving a knowing smile? It was kinda like that. And the strangest thing is that I can remember almost everything about that night. I remember we played some boxing game on the dreamcast. I remember we ate marshmallows. I remember Charlene's brother being jealous. haha. It dawned on me i guess, it doesn't have to be like a huge all-encompassing moment to make you glad to be alive. it could just be fingers on flesh in the dark, surrounded by the people you love. Wow that sounds weird. It wasn't I swear :p

In year 8 our Geography class went to somewhere in some hills in Yorkshire I guess it was. Not entirely sure where but that's not what is important. If you leave a group of 14 year olds on their own things are gonna happen. And things did happen. Got a little risqué. Never a bad thing. Anyway one morning I was up early, like 5 or 6 I guess, and we were up on a hill looking over this kind of valley and there was also a big old Viaduct there, it was amazing. It was kinda frosty, and there was mist just hanging really low in the air, making everything look hidden and secretive. so good. I just sat on the steps of this place we were staying in and looked out for like half an hour, watching the light and the mist mess around, watching the world change. This girl Charlotte came out and sat next to me and sorta rested her head on my shoulder. And then it happened. Slow-motion realisation moment. I don't even know why. Not like i even liked this girl. I think it was just the whole thing of being able to share this with someone. It's good to not be alone. The whole trip was pretty awesome, but i'll always remember that as my definitive 'being-awake-early-and-seeing-something-amazing' moment. I'm always open to a new one though.

Summer 2006 in my hometown. Perhaps the best time of my life so far. So many things I remember from back then. Frog cake and water fights, day trips to the beach, running from the law and drinking at the park almost every day. So many new things and new people, but also old memories and things I don't ever want to forget. I felt alive for so much of that summer, everyone just seemed so free and happy. I guess it was contagious. I spent most of the time with my boys, Smiley, Kenty, Hen, Whippet. Of course there were the girls too. Lest we forget. I think one of the best nights i've ever had was a party in the park for someone's birthday. A lot of people were there, from school, and a lot of alcohol was consumed by all. I met quite a few people who I still talk to now; Amy for one. And emulsion (in-joke) and the twins were there and Morgan. It was a tangled web indeed. Anyway, Amy kicked me in the ribs for insulting her brother, we drank in the tent round at Kate's, Kenty and Amy should have got together but they missed each other. So much shouting and drinking and taking chances. I miss nights like that so much. It's never ever as much fun to get bungalowed when you can do it legally. It was the best of times it was the BLERST of times?! Yeah it was.

Me, Rachel, J and Pat went to London to film the second part of our Music Video. haaaaa. I don't think I've ever been involved in such a failure ... well, until SCD came around that is. Anyway early 08. We went on the train. There were so many big plans; where we'd go, what we'd shoot. But nothing ever works out the way it's supposed to does it? This time I think that was for the best :) We got turned away from shooting in the tube. We couldn't decide what to do. In the end we just went to Camden. We sat and talked and just took everything in. Rachel got scared by pige0ns, J ate noodles, there were Camden goggles, it was just a really vibrant, colourful LDN day. Everything seemed new and bright and we got on so so well. That really was the foundations of Team Awesome right there. And even though we've kinda fractured a little since then, I'll never forget the glory days of Music Video Production and the wasted day in London that made me realise just how much my friends meant to me. And still do. I love all of you guys. And hey, it all kinda worked out in the end. I live for days with friends when nothing gets achieved. these are the best kind of days.

The 5th and final moment I wanna tell you about happened quite recently actually. 11/10/2008 I met Rachel G. And I kinda haven't looked back since. I dunno if I've changed but I feel different sometimes. It's all new to me, for a girl to love me BACK?! Madness. I get butterflies man! Actual butterflies (no not actual butterflies, dunno why i threw that word in there. I don't own any butterflies) when I talk to her sometimes. I can't help but feel soooo optimistic about this. We've already been through a lot, in a strange way, and yes things are pretty subber. Awwwwwooooooooooooo!! Can't wait for more. ^_^

So there we go. Those are the 5 time in my life that i can remember feeling more than happiness. Sheer and absolute joy at being alive. Thank you life for giving me these moments. I look forward to more, maybe with some of you? That'd be the best. Rusty isn't around I'm afraid so you'll have to wait. Don't be too disheartened eh? I am done finally. This blog took me around 3 hours to write for some reason. jesus. X x

This is where the party is

2009-03-06T22:29:00.003Z

and we're on our way
to the lives we said we would play
and we're on our way
to the roads we knew we would take
yeah we're on our way tonight
you're holding back on me once again
did you ever think this through

Listen it was such a good day today. I felt it was gonna be as soon as I got up and the sun was out. I was like 'Oh yes. This day has potential.' So I cracked the shorts on, the cap, was goooood times. Nice and warm and lovely. Aaaahh. And I got to college (skipped Key Skills of course because it's the right thing to do) around 11, headed straight to Jo's lesson. Man it just felt ... good. Better than usual. Everyone was smiling, and Colleen was all about the potential of the day too. We had a Skins moment, and a little chat about stuff, and it was nice because usually someone's telling someone to fuck off or beating them, or whatever. But not today. I think it was because for a change there wasn't actually anything to worry about. Everyone was just ... happy! I know! Me, J and Colleen nailed our FMP presentations, cue many hi-fives. Was awesome times. It was GRITTY too. Social realism. J went off after college to go to this party with old-school friends. Good luck to him. Hope he gets all the bitches! Narayan was off to meet up with Ruth yay - hope he remembers to hand off Postsecret. More than anything I hope the sun sticks around for a little while. It seems to just raise everyone's spirits. Woo. WOOO. Go sun! So we're nailing down dates for filming FMP, i think i wrote down sometime in the middle of April. Still don't have an actress FML. Must cast someone soooon. remind me. AND get on twitter everyone. It's a winner.

Enough happiness now. I wanna tell you about what was keeping me up last night. (Yeah i know, here we go. Feel free to tune out now.) I was thinking how many things I know about people that I find hard to comprehend. Like ... how many people trust me with things that they don't tell other people. I mean on one hand it's amazing that they think I'm trustworthy. I mean I am, don't get me wrong, and it's such an honest way to connect with someone, to let them know something major about you. I just ... Man, you know I have so much respect for some people. Living with the weight of what they've been through/are going through/will go through. We all have stuff to live with I guess, just some people deal with more than others. I just hope they can keep on top of it. Don't let it break you. Talk about it. You know the drill. I LIKE GORE AND ZOMBIES YAY!

If ANYONE can tell me where to find the song that played on last week's Skins when Naomi and Emily were on the bike ride i'd appreciate it sooo much - the lyrics included 'jump in' and also other lyrics and I have a feeling this is the name of the song. But I don't know who it's by or where to find it. HELP!?

"When there is no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth."

We got a water bill this morning. I was like O_o because I don't have the money to pay for it. I don't have the money to pay for anything lets be honest. But it just reminded me how much being a grown up has to learn. Just take it easy life, give us all a break. Give us more days like today. more sunshine and less worries. More March 6th please. I'll let it go to second reminder see if I have any money by then. Fuck real life lol. Gimme sunshine and best friends any time. Gimme sunshine, best friends and alcohol and then we're talking. Give me a summer. I can't wait. AAAHH! HYPED! Only about 3 months to go. haha. \^_^/ Gosh I like Ving Rhames. Classic black man.

"Fuck y'all."

Feel free to comment. In fact I encourage it. I want to get to know the followers who aren't my friends irl. So people, that means get commenting. Hello in advance! I'm done. X x

RUSTY SAYS: "Hello everyone. How are you all? I don't like Ving Rhames. I like Tommy Lee Jones. Did you know he shared a dorm at college with Al Gore and John Lithgow? Small world. I shared a dorm with Paddington, Yogi, and all the other famous bears you can think of. We had our own little bear technical college. nothing special. We just learned paw-techniques and roaring and picnic-basket stealing. The sort of things you'd expect from bear college. have a good weekend. I will! ROOOAAAGHH!!"

You're better off believing everything you heard was true

2009-03-04T19:39:00.004Z

INCOMIIIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!

I always take a look at the GiveItAName festival line-up, and often find myself wishing I was going, and this year is no different. Except for the fact that if I can get tickets, then I will be going. Brixton Academy here I come. The almost exclusive reason for my excitement? Taking Back Sunday of course. Ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh!! Fanboy alert! They are my all-time second favourite band (after Dashboard) and oh man ... I'd love to see them live. I'm a fan of Thursday too, though I haven't heard a lot of their new stuff, Underoath and Escape the Fate I can take them or leave them, and I've never heard any of the others until now. Research is needed! Support bands are fun! Sucks though because I really like 'The Academy Is...' too. Damn shame they're not on the same bill. They've really thinned down the festival this year which sucks, I woulda LOVED to go in 07, They had Brand New, A-AR, New Found Glory, Motion City Soundtrack, Senses Fail and Madina Lake. All bands which I enjoy! Super! But hey getting to see TBS would be fuckin insane. INSAAANE. Anyone wanna go? After the disappointment of not getting to see Dashboard in December going to GIAN this year'd be awesome.

This is my 30th post apparently. Pales in comparison really with Ruth's big 100 but still, it's a milestone. Thanks to everyone who's followed me and stuck around. 13 followers (MOD 14 NOW! Thank you new follower yay!) Not that I would mind having more, I certainly wouldn't. It's nice i think, to have the feeling that people are reading what you wrote and it's making them think about stuff. Making connections is ftw. Like that time some people I don't know commented my blog, I was all like ^_^ kuwaiiiiii!! And I've made friends just because of this blog. I mean, I guess I almost knew Joseph anyway, but Ruth was an entirely blog-constructed friendship. Yay for blogs. It was interesting to me to dig out my old Postsecret book from last year. I realised I'd written a load of stuff in it, as well as ripping out a couple of pages. No idea what was on them but I guess I had a (no-doubt pretty stupid) reason at the time. Ruth's gonna end up with that book at some point and she'll probably find out a lot more than she wanted to know about me but hey. We're all friends here! Man it out! Good luck with that Roof.

My head hurts. I think I have what they call a headache. It's weird in that it goes all the way down to my spine. I have spine-ache. LOL spinache. And the sniffles. fucking stupid illness. HEY Tom cracked an egg on my head yesterday. that sucked. I had all yolk on my face. egg on my face that's the joke i meant. And yeah, it was just overall bad times. Did nothing for my complexion either. God. Why would anyone think that was a good idea? I think he has photographic evidence somewhere. I had to wash my shirt as well. It looked like ... i don't even know. It looked like I'd been involved in an incident in some kind of custard production facility. And my hair went all crunchy and weird. I don't advise trying it out to be honest.

Stafford interview never happened. They were fully booked. This is something i do not understand because ... they invited me to the interview. How can ... it's an objective thing, it's not like people just call up and say 'oh yeah i want an interview stafford plz' and they're like 'yeh kk.' That's not how it works. So yes I have been left dumbfounded by this turn of events. I guess I'll have to call them up and ask for a different date, considering that's apparently the way it works. Stupid Stafford. I think I'd rather go to Bournemouth tbh. Oh man hot dogs are so good. Just realised we had some American-style mustard too! dammit. missed a trick there. I reckon I'm gonna knock up a risotto. I can cook you know. Yeah not just a pretty face.

Elsewhere in my life: I love her very much and she loves me back. Does this mean I win? I think it might do. Heston Blumenthal's new show is out of this world. Just ... genius. Madness but also genius. FMP pre-production is pretty much finished but that doesn't mean it's gonna work out. I'm glad I'm back at college, even the work is ok at the minute. OH that programme is on. better chip. ALSO I have run out of money. Totally. I have £6.51 to my name in the whole world. Jesus christ. hahaha OH WELL! I still have my health. I mean in a general sense because atm I've got a headache and the sniffles lol. Never mind. C'est la vie and all this. I am done! x X

RUSTY SAYS: "I have been away for a while visiting my friend Moose. He's an Elk. But most people call him Moose. So hello everyone. Aaron you're not a pretty face anyway. Ha i got you totally got you. Does anyone notice that Daffodils are poking out already? This is a sign of an early spring which means summer will be warmer. That's what Moose said anyway. But he also said if you rub cats on lino they'll stick to radiators. I never know what to believe."

Game Over. Continue?

2009-03-01T22:30:00.006Z

It's the 1st March today. March is named for Mars, the Roman God of War. March is the month of war. And also the beginning of spring. Spring means hope and sunshine and days getting longer and nights getting shorter. OH, You remember J's blog about death/mortality etc? I found this on asofterworld.com, and I really love it. I'm sure J will appreciate it too. Everyone should go to asofterworld once in a while, because it's just a lovely lovely website. They have awesome merch too! Bonus! (click the image to see it even bigger if your eyes are poor quality eyes.)

Also if you get a chance, watch Death Note because it's a winner in my book. Catch the sequel on Film4 next Saturday. And don't worry if you haven't seen the first one, just look up the synopsis to get you prepared. Look it up on Google.

I'll be writing properly again sometime soon, just thought I'd check in. Stay cool internet! x Spring will spring. It has not yet sprung.

Look closely, there might be something you like

2009-02-27T21:05:00.005Z

Please don’t go.
I only just learned all I know
about your hopes and dreams
expectations and fears
for all of our years
so stay right here
at least for 6 more months
If a time does come
when saying goodbye is the only way out
of this tangled line of broken hearts
and suicide notes
of broken bones and
the letters you wrote
then I can watch you walk away
safe in the knowledge we tried
we gave it everything we had
and nothing stayed inside
these bodies and these minds
In danger but alive.

Sit with me then, or do you need a yes from your friends?
It’s funny that you call them that
because they don’t know how much depends
on you staying right where you are,
Screaming your lungs out in my car
Teen drinking cos we know all the bars
where an ID will not be required
we’re drunk but we’re inspired
back me up here, let’s head back to mine
There isn’t a thought about the time
with our bodies safe from harm
You told me you’d never sleep in anyone’s arms
but you broke your rule that night
You told me how you aren’t worth the fight
But I’d give up everything for you
And I still hardly even know you
All I know is the way I feel when it’s you and me
You make me want to stay awake
You make it easier to believe
in a life where anything is possible
I never said this was logical.

I know I know. And I promised myself I'd never post poetry. I didn't wanna be one of those kids. But hey, I do write poetry. Or at least I did. I haven't in a while. ANYWAY look, I found this when I was going through my unnamed documents earlier and I realised that this one was kinda apt today. I must have wrote this about 3 months ago I guess. We'll miss you Liv! Well I will anyway! ^_^ It sucks to be losing so many people from our course. We've lost Rach, Shelle and Liv since the start of the year and that fucking blows. Especially Rach. I hope we don't lose anyone else. Even Patrick would be missed. For Patrick read: Tesco. It makes me think that the course is not exactly what people expect when they sign up. I dunno though I mean I don't know the kind of drop-out rate for other courses but we seem to have lost a lot since the start of year 1. Like ... 8? 10?! I dunno man but a lot. If anyone can remember exactly how many I'd be interested to know!

Before I forget, BIG big thank you to Joseph for making/letting me use his new song "Vultures" for my FMP! This is so so helpful especially as a few of the bands I've got in touch with about using their music haven't got back to me. AND what's even better is I have the absolute perfect places to put the track. It fits SO well. I couldn't have done it better myself. Literally. I can't play guitar very well at all and I most definitely don't have a voice like Joseph. Ahhh it's so relaxing. Dangerously so. You know you want to check his Myspace.

... You only ever live once
You only ever love once ...

Haha. Strange how I'd be inclined to disagree. I have a problem i know; in that I fall in love far too easily. Or at least, I fall for the idea of being with someone too easily. In my head I've been in love 3 times in my life. Strangely enough, they were/are all called Rachel. D'you think someone is trying to tell me something? Either way, things feel different this time. I think that might be because the feelings are actually reciprocated, which is never a bad thing. I'm so so happy someone finally took a chance and wanted me back. (thanks Skins for that line. I <3 Skins.) Christ I'm talking about love. I'm breaking all my rules here. The fact is I am very much in love. And it's awesome. Now that's quite enough of that!

This is a photo of my hand on fire. I discovered that if you put enough deodorant on, it doesn't even burn. So that's nice. Just something to do you know. The way I see it, you either watch TV or set yourself on fire. And at least this option makes you feel something. Certainly gets the heart racing. My coolness is tempered a little by the fact that I shouted "FLAME ON!" as I dropped the match on my hand though. Fantastic Four ftw. Anyway if all else fails I can blame films for this because I saw a nice example of hand-setting-on-fire in the film Me, You and Everyone we know. (If you haven't seen it you really should. It blew me away. It's low-key and offbeat but reallllyyy powerful. I love it. It's definitely in my top 5.)

My top 5 would probably be:
1. V For Vendetta - Probably the best film i've ever seen. The ending is just FILM GOLD
2. Juno - Love everything about this film. Especially Michael Cera.
3. Me, You and Everyone we know - Just watch it dammit
4. Rocket Science - "Have you ever felt like you could just burn the world down?" -"Every day."
5. Training Day/I am Legend. I JUST CAN'T DECIDE!!

Oh I've rambled on and said nothing again. There's a surprise. Liv I'll miss you. Joseph thank you. Rachel G I'm waiting for you. Watch the film. I'm happy right now so here's to you.

RUSTY SAYS: "I have a top 5 movies as well. All 5 movies on it are: Bear: The Untold Story. I made it with my friend Dusty. It's a biopic. Err it didn't get a very wide release though so ... just saying you might not be able to find it. Anywhere. Did you catch the soccerball scores from the other day boy those were some interesting scores hey? MMM. ROOOAAAGH!!"

Eugh

2009-02-26T17:36:00.002Z

FUCK PAPERWORK.

DID JESUS EVER DO PAPERWORK? I DON'T THINK SO BROTHER.

The questions you will never ask

2009-02-23T14:48:00.002Z

It's 3pm. It's raining. It's Monday. I'm sat in bed with the curtains open and my eyes closed. I'm writing an essay about applying analytical approaches to film. Hitchcock. The MacGuffin. I can't wait to get back to college. I'm listening to Taking Back Sunday and screaming along like it's the first time. There are papers that will decide my future sat on my bed. Stafford, Bournemouth, Stafford, Bournemouth. I've been hearing so much more lately, things I've never noticed before, I've just been picking up on every little sound - it's weird. I can hear the rain but I can't see it. I can hear everything. It feels like something big is going to happen but I have no idea what. This is the almost-calm before the almost-storm; this is the barometer rising and the severe weather warnings. Something big is going to happen. I can feel it. I can hear it coming. Oh the magic of strikethrough text. Feelings hidden but screamed out so loud. Saying everything and nothing. Hidden and dangerous. It's all about the subtext.

I am in a weird mood today. Everything will be fine I think once I see everyone again. I've had too much time on my own, just thinking about things, messing things up in my mind. It's what I tend to do when I'm on my own, which is probably why I spend so much time on MSN and stuff. I don't handle loneliness well. No sir. I spoke to Ruth on MSN. This is a blogspot success story I think! It was sehr intense. I don't know. There has to be some psychological reason for it I guess, but hey we've all been through stuff, my story is probably worse than some but not as bad as others and we can leave it at that. I haven't been to my hometown in around a year, is this a bad thing? I guess I'm the only one who can decide that. That place was killing me. There was nothing there for me, and I'm glad I got out when i did. The memories are still there ... but not a lot of them good. I feel more like myself here that's for sure, more able to be who I know I am, and not who I think I should be. You know I read the other day that we dream to fix experiences in our long-term memories, that is to say, we dream about things worth remembering. I wonder if this is true. I don't really want to remember some of the stuff I dream about, like that time I dreamed I watched Richard and Judy on my own for an hour. That was probably the worst dream ever.

I need to say thank you to Joseph as well because a little while ago he blogged about Bright Eyes [Bright Eyes may refer to: Bright Eyes Sunglasses, an Australian Sunglasses Retailer] well while that may be true wikipedia I'm actually referring to the band. A few days later I found myself imagining Conor Oberst's voice in my head before I fell asleep. I decided this was somewhat strange. Either way I realised I hadn't heard anything from Cassadaga or I'mWideAwakeIt'sMorning in far too long. I needed Bright Eyes back in my life. I'm currently listening to Landlocked Blues and realising how much I missed it. It's an anaesthetic. So thank you man!

If you walk away I'll walk away ...

It's 4pm. It's still raining. I'm sat in bed with my eyes open. I can't believe how long it's taken me to write this. I haven't even really written anything. I've got an interview at Stafford on the 4th March, we're driving down the night before. I love love love night driving/passengering. If anyone wants to come to Stafford and crash at James' place, there'll be space in the car. Random I know but something big is going to happen, and what if it's this? I pray for a good week this week, just so I can get back to where I was before this weeeeiirrd half term. I'll see some of you tomorrow. And hopefully others next weekend. It'll be great. I think I'm done. x

Rusty Says: "I have a sore throat. That is not good for a Bear whose main attribute is roaring loudly! I don't know how this happened because I have only drunk this stuff i found called Vodka since Saturday. Aaron told me it was Russian for water but I don't know if i believe him because it didn't really taste like water. Infinity is a long time. It reminds me of this story my momma bear told me one day. a little bird moves a mountain of sand one grain at a time it picks up one grain every million years and when the mountain has been moved the bird puts it all back again that's how long eternity is. rrooaagghh *cough*"

LDN+

2009-02-21T01:34:00.009Z

Many thanks to Rusty for dealing with my last blog. I must apologise for not being around however I was suffering from some low-grade teenage heartbreak at the time, doing the whole song-on-repeat thing. However that has since been resolved by a very 'lame-romance-movie' scenario that, while kinda surreal, i hope will work out best for everyone concerned. She knows who she is and she'll probably read this so I hope she knows what it means to have her back ...ish. Anyway I am certainly much happier, if a little weirded out by the whole thing, and thank you Ruth for your kind words as usual you knew what to say even though you had so much more to think about than me. RIGHT on with the real business of today:

Today (no not really today but yesterday, today doesn't count as today yet) I went to London. That is the Capital of England everyone. It was the most shambolic London trip I've ever had I think, even worse than that time that me, Rach, Pat and J went to film SCD and ended up walking around Camden and just generally having a fantastic time doing nothing. That was a brilliant day. I miss Rachel. Rachel Thornton I miss you I do. Tom is out somewhere dressed as a pirate. He lost his eye patch. No self-respecting Pirate would be seen out without an eye patch. Rachel would know. Anyway God enough almost-nostalgia. I shall show you the day in London via the medium of ill-fitting photographs! Here goes nothing:

Low trees. Hazardous.

So that was that then. We went to the V & A museum, walked around a LOT, got told we couldn't go to places because they were too busy so they closed, felt like a survivor of some kind of apocalyptic event as we waddled through the crowd at South Kensington, had chicken, took (too)many photographs, had an ice-cream, had a stroll, watched a small kid with a large afro enjoy a water feature a lot a lot, debated if they ever dredge that fountain outside Buckingham Palace for cash, pretended to some tourists that the Queen was arriving in a helicopter, pointed at things, all in all we sort of did London, just really badly. BUT HELL it was a nice way to spend a Friday. Especially as the sun came out! The train journey home was the worst though! It was packed worse than canned fish and i had to rest my face on the train door and every time another train passed ours I thought the world was ending because it made a sound like KLAAABOOOMMMDDEDEDEDEDEEE and i was like 0_o. [INSERT PAUSE] "DID SOMEONE SAY INSERT PAWS??" Rusty get out. "Sorry." Oh apologies for the pause/paws there (not that you would have noticed it because this is text based rather than speech based so pauses only exist if you generate them yourselves in your heads! Maybe if I wrote it in ...) Anyway yes Colleen randomly popped up on MSN. Lovely! She's perhaps the funniest drunk I've ever known. Hmmm, it's close between her and J though. J more for vomit comedy.

So I'm sitting here at 2:42am. I have about 2 weeks worth of work to cram in to the next 3 days. I wish Bournemouth would have offered me an unconditional offer rather than the conditional kind, i think i may have felt a lot more relaxed about this whole FMP thing if they had. Oh yeah, Bournemouth made me a conditional offer based on DMM. I should be able to do that as long as FMP is not a complete failure. I need to cast an actress holy christ. Also need to send some work to ARU and talk to Stafford about interview dates. Needless to say though, Bournemouth has jumped out in front as my first choice. Is it bad that I don't even know exactly where Bournemouth is? I am so ridiculously underprepared for uni. I haven't been there, I haven't spoken to anyone about it, fuck this is most definitely the wrong thing to be thinking about at 2:48am. wow. Life-changing decisions not being made very well anyone? I think so!

I finished that book by the way. I read for like 2 hours tonight because i literally could not put it down (man that sounds so tacky but honestly it's an amazing book (not amazing in the way that say Shakespeare or J.D. Sallinger or e.e. cummings or elements of Camus is amazing, but for a modern novel pretty damn good)) - double brackets ftw. The end few chapters made me tear but not cry so hey I'm improving lol! fml I sure do cry for pointless reasons. But hey I don't waste my time with politics. Life is too short and we're almost dead. sorry that song just came on. (Lyrical Lies - Cute Is What We Aim For) I've gotten out of writing poetry for a while. I don't know why that is. Maybe it's a good thing. I guess it's partly because I write here instead. Having a blog saves lives, or certainly prevents scars. Good work Blogspot. wooo! Argh I'm tired. It's 2:59am. I got into London and looked at the big clock and it read 11:11. I thought it might be a sign. Of what I don't know. RIP Casey Calvert. I should go. x

RUSTY SAYS: "I thought he meants paws like Bear paws. I tried writing poetry once. Unfortunately I couldn't get to grips with Trochaic Octameter so I wrote a haiku instead.

Bears live in snow well
sleep while the world is cold
damn that was six

It's good right? It needs work I know but one day I will be an educated Bear and I shall know of all the rhyme structures. A Bear needs dreams. We should all have dreams; I'm just kind of scared of putting so much hope and weight of expectation on one dream that when it comes true there is no chance it can possibly live up to my Bearish expectations. Poetry ROOOAAGGH!!!

My lesson's learned

2009-02-19T15:43:00.005Z

"Hmm. Well hello everyone. Rusty the Kodiak Bear here. Looks like I'll be taking care of this one. I saw an interesting show last night about Bears. Well it was about Salmon technically but there were bears there, eating the Salmon. It made me miss home a little bit. I don't know what Aaron is doing but he seems sad. He has been listening to this one song a lot. I think he is going out tonight though so hopefully he will be happier with his friends. It's not very nice to feel alone. rooaagh. *sadbearfase*"

'Cos today, you walked out of my life
'Cos today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life

But what do I know, if you're leaving
All you did was stop the bleeding
But these scars will stay forever,
These scars will stay forever
And these words have no meaning
If we cannot find the feeling
That we held on to together
Try your hardest to remember

'Cos today, you walked out of my life
(Stay with me, or watch me bleed)
'Cos today, your words felt like a knife
(I need you just to breathe)
I'm not living this life.

"Oh and I found an old Polaroid camera the other day. The er ... the button didn't work too good though, and i didn't think it had any film in, and in the end i got angry and ate it. Now every time i do a big bear sneeze i photograph my insides. I'm scared."

we're both capable of the most terrible things

2009-02-17T02:16:00.004Z

I don't know what to do and it makes me hurt.
I feel alive because of you but right now not in a good way.
You're so insecure. It worries me because I know you can't help it.
I love everything about you; every part of you except that part.
But that part is winning. Don't let it.
I don't know what to do.
I said that already.

I didn't mean to blog tonight. I just got a text and I needed some kind of release. Were it not for the lack of 8 pence of credit, this blog would not exist. It's such a ridiculous time for blogging even Rusty isn't around. I think he's reading some book or something. I dunno. Anyway ... I guess we'll see. Goodnight and good morning everyone. OH I'm reading a book at the minute actually, really good, called before I die. I haven't finished it yet but I would recommend it I think! It's sad. But very beautifully written. It reminds me of how Ruth writes a little. Anyway it's a really good book. Books books books. I should get to sleep I'm going slightly mad. Must brush my teeth. Sleep and hopefully dreams. Have a good today or tomorrow!
I am done. x

You light the match, I'll stick around

2009-02-15T21:52:00.003Z

And I had these dreams in them I learned to play guitar
Maybe cross the country,
become a rock star
And there was hope in me that I could take you there
but dammit you're so young
well I don't think I care

Yeah so hey. Just had a really really nice weekend. Which was lovely! Tom's parents came down for the weekend and they acted like my family which was great. In fact, they were pretty much better than my family in that we went for a meal with them, and went around the shops and stuff. i always look forward to Tom's parents coming down. I swear they spend more money on me than my actual parents. My parents were always kinda crappy, without going into it I'm glad I don't have to deal with them on a regular basis anymore. But it's nice. Yes. Life is very good at the minute. Oh I thought I'd crowbar in a picture of me sans beard as of yesterday. Oh and of course I had to look emo, because that's the done thing right? Yeah you love it.

It's bigger than I expected it to be. (That's what she said whey.) yeah i know i can make it smaller but hey guess what I'm not going to lalalala. Oh and by the way Purple and Black is apparently the new thing. If you've been into Quiksilver lately, they're pushing it big time. That's why I also bought a new hat, a beanie-styled hat indeed, and that is for wearing when it's too cold to wear my purple and black trucker cap. Can't wait for the sun to arrive so I can crack out the shorts. That will be a hellacious day. Treasure hunt with J? I'm liking it. I wanna go to London and and find treasure and Joseph I want you to come and find treasure, and Narayan and Ruth and everyone let's go and find treasure. I don't know exactly what treasure but erm ... we can think of something right? We can do anything after all. But yes, David, Jamie, people, let's go to London sometime this week yes? Yes.

Also more good news when i got this form to get some kind of tax rebate. i was like 'wow someone is really looking out for me right now.' And that's always a good feeling. I don't want to get into some kind of existential debate here, as always, because that would just take too long to resolve but it's always nice to have that feeling that nothing is gonna go wrong. Much enjoyed. I hear Jordan got a tattoo on his dick. Good lad. Shark on penis. I always thought I should like to have myself a tattoo but er ... not there I don't think. I was thinking neck but it's a bit visible so to arms! Yeaah wanna get sealed up bruvva. I am worried about my hair turning into some kind of pseudo-mullet, which I do not want. i need straighteners! I am such a girl! I hope everyone who had someone yesterday had a lovely Valentines. This programme has many Polar Bears in and is certainly good. They are a good bear, certainly, but not a patch on Kodiak Bears I swear. I do hope I get the girl soon! She is certainly worth waiting for but I hope I don't have to for much longer. Let's get together huh?

I soon need to start thinking about sorting out my pre-production for my FMP, if anyone wants to provide me with free things that might help, such as music (Broseph??) or just pairs of hands that would be much appreciated. I would go so far as to say I would be forever in your debt. Hopefully not in a weird way! I'm done for this one. It was kinda pointless but I like to write so win-win? Or maybe just win. Whateverrrr!

RUSTY SAYS: "I spent my Valentine's Day in a bookstore. I couldn't find anything by bears. It's a shame. I settled for the Twilight series, secondhand of course. I've heard good things. But then again I don't even like Kurt Vonnegut so what would I know? I'm a bear I don't know books. I know Salmon. And er ... Pine trees. Nap time. ROOOAAAAGHHH!!"

I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions

2009-02-12T20:13:00.006Z

Don't try to hide
The mistakes I made this time
But please try and listen
Cos I'm breaking my heart tonight
So you can see what's inside

Man isn't it strange how one day can change everything? God I was so worried Wednesday, it looked like things might be on track for a major fuck up, but today it's like wooosh a massive weight off my shoulders. It's nice not to have major things to worry about. I mean, I never really saw it as a problem in the first place but I guess some people don't share the same view on life as me. But whatever! So once again then, life is good, if at times a little stressful! Thanks you guys for the comments on my last blog. Dave and Colleen and that person I don't know, many thanks. I really do have the bestest friends. Has everyone seen Joseph's new song? It's beautiful. I like it so much I don't even want to swear when I say how good it is. If you haven't heard it you should probably listen to it here. I'm sure he wouldn't mind. So here I am blogging when i should be heading to college. The only problem with that is, as I've said before, Key Skills sucks the most ever. I just don't see the point of it. Anyway we're not here to get into a key skills debate. Not today sucka. I'll probably be at college later anyway, gotta really get my head down and work on this powerpoint for the next one and a half hours or so. SO OMG IT'S LIKE TOTALLY FRIDAY THE 13th!! I HOPE NO BAD SHIT GOES DOWN?!?! Also I'd kinda like to go see that movie. Rob Zombie's Halloween remake wasn't bad so maybe this will be ok ... It's produced by Michael 'Moar asploshuns plx' Bay though so who knows.

Skins last night was awesome again, although I'm always gonna say that. It was kinda sad at the end but er ... I didn't cry, unlike some people. But it was nice to see Cook being the (sort-of) good guy for once. Kinda. Well he tried. I like Cook. Poor Effy. My cousin Steve hates Skins, he's kind of a douche like that. Hey I think this is going to be my earliest ever blog. How nice! What isn't nice is the fact that sometimes videos don't work in powerpoint, and sometimes MS Office trials run out and you have to use some shitty sub-standard version of office that doesn't quite match up. I've got my headphones in but I'm not listening to anything. I shall remedy this. Brb. Yay! Brand New! Hmm I kinda want to get out of here for a while, over half term maybe. Anyone wanna go anywhere? London on the coach for £8.50 return? This place is getting too familiar and i don't like it. We could leave tomorrow. I just want to see something new. It snowed again yesterday by the way. Last night it felt like driving through somewhere much more impressive than England. We were sliding all over the place and nearly crashed twice. Tom's car is ridiculously bad in the snow. Fortunately we got out alive and went to everyone's favourite supermarket chain. Chocolate milk is really lovely don't you think? It's nice on the throat too, which reminds me I'm currently rather ill. Not a specific ill, just one of those all over kind of headachey, throat hurty, cough, etc things. HEY ALSO wish Colleen good luck with her interview at Southampton. You'll be great my loverrr, no worries.

Oh gosh I'm getting all caught up in this powerpoint. I don't know why, I could just cut college today. I am justifiably ill. detailed comment on target audience including demographically information and suitability of FMP idea. What does that even mean? Demographically information?! 'sake. I DO NOT WANT THIS. Oh man and all pre-production has to be done by the end of half term. And that Hitchcock essay. And there is that Lina work but I don't have a clue about that. I'd better wrap this up so I can concentrate on my powerpoint. Please someone say they wanna do something over half term. Valentine's tomorrow. To everyone who has someone, I hope you have a lovely day. To everyone who doesn't, well it's all a waste of money anyway right? RIGHT?! pfffttt fml. I need her nao!! I am done. x

RUSTY SAYS: "Hello boys and girls. Hello Ruth and Colleen. You are my new friends. I would not like to be bear-napped though I don't think. I once spent a Valentine's Day stuck in a tree because my friend Dusty dared me to climb it and then I couldn't get down. I didn't really think about it at the time. It wasn't very fun. The point is, there's more than one day in the year when you can tell someone how much they mean to you. Why don't you do it today? ROOOAAAAGHHH!!"

Sorry for the time I said too much

2009-02-11T22:28:00.006Z

I thought I had a good idea what I was waiting for. Now I'm not so sure.

Christ, these past two posts have become so generic emo I'm extremely disappointed in myself, but they appear to provoke comment which is pretty amazing. I like to write and it makes me super happy to know that people like to read this and it actually makes them think about things. Awesome. Keep it up me. And you guys! Thank you for comments! Isn't it a lovely feeling to have comments? Yes indeed.

Colleen is going to bed in ten minutes fucking hell now this is pressure, especially when my keyboard doesn't seem to be working very well. So yeah, things have changed a little I guess. I try to be happy you know, to look at life with a positive outlook, that's essentially my thing, because I hate being miserable. It leads to depression and depression leads to bad times and scars and memories that I don't wanna be reminded of. So this is why I try to stay happy! It's usually pretty easy because my friends are amazing, and my life is pretty ok too. But at the minute things aren't great. And it will come as a surprise because I lie. I say yeah I'm good, but that's only because talking about it makes me think about it, which makes me depressed. And you know the drill with that. Shit this is drifting off again. Things are gonna be ok though. Why worry about what you can't control I guess is the message (to myself.)

I am constantly reminded of the fact that I can never seem to say the right thing. I must work on that. I had to get the MS office trial again earlier because mine conveniently ran out on the day i wanted to start work on my big freakin FMP presentation. fml. But I did, and so I shall be working heavily on that tomorrow. My life is full of work that I have no idea about at the minute, which kinda sucks because one day it's all gonna be jew and I'm gonna be like 'Shit son I didn't realise this work existed.' You wait and see. I just wanna get to half term so I can sit around and maybe do stuff without this hanging over me, the whole I-never-know-if-there's-any-work-due-in-until-the-day feeling. But I hear Dave is the same too so woo. He had a bad interview at Failmouth. Unlucky Dave but I guess that's feminists for you (long story.) Mini Smarties were half price at Tesco so i bought like a thousand.

Excitement in life is good, even when it's a bad kind. So let's have some excitement please. i would like to be one of those people who just does things, I try to be you know, but sometimes i kinda suck at it. You know that advert right, the one for er ... clearasil maybe? where that greasy biker kid is like 'hey you (insert girls name) can I borrow your lipstick?' and she's like 'uuuh i am stupid' and he's like *mack* Yeah i wanna do that, but maybe in a less weird way eh? It's a good line though, fair play to the guy.

There's something wrong with me. I've had like 3 beers and my eyes are going. Fuck sake I need to man up here. This blog was totally pointless, I'll admit I just did it under pressure from Colleen, I was gonna blog but then I realised (as usual) that I didn't realllyyy have anything to say. But that doesn't matter does it because that's what blogging is all about. Which is lucky!! Mine and Steve's friend from the homeland is coming down tomorrow, which will be fun, because he's cool. Good old Rob. It's always nice when you're reminded that people haven't forgotten about you, because it's so easy to lose people if you don't try. Friendships don't just happen. You have to work at them. Eventually you find out who's worth the effort I guess.

Good luck to people with their things! I see Lavinia has a blog now. It's something alright. "I made Hannah cry by wearing shoes to college." (non-sequitur.)
I'm done with this shambles. x

RUSTY SAYS: "I drank a beer once. In fact I drank thirty-nine beers. Then I vomited on a Canadian. It was ok though because he liked bears. Did anyone ever read Camus? He's great, but he sure is pretentious. I mean I like being free as much as the next bear but come on Albert gimme a break. ROOOAAAGGH!!"

Don't act like you can't see me darling

2009-02-09T23:36:00.003Z

But I can't.

Everything changes. You know, people say that you can't change, that no-one ever changes, but that's not true. Everyone changes. Maybe you don't realise because you've changed too. We're not 15 anymore. We can't sit around at the park, drinking White Lightning, playing shitty dubstep on our phones, smashing up the tennis courts, throwing up and not caring. We're 19, we're 20, we're fucking adults. If we throw up now it makes us a bad person. wtf. We're going to university, we're going to work, we're moving away from everything that makes us feel right. This sucks but this is life. And this is change.

I love where we are now. College is awesome. My friends are the best friends I could ever ask for. From where I was then, back in 07, alcohol, Konstantine and sharpener blades, to where I am now, that's change, but it was change for the better. And now I don't think anything could get better than this. I have everything I could want (almost ^_^) but it's just like ... I'm afraid of how the decisions I'm making now are going to affect the rest of my life. And I don't like that feeling. Sure I guess I have dreams, hopes for the future, things I wanna do with my life. But not now. It all feels like it's too much too soon. I don't even know.

I have homework to do but it's all fucking nonsense. I don't know what half of this stuff means. I don't feel like myself. What the hell is going on. Why is Tom Cruise shouting on the television? My hair keeps getting in my eyes. I wish I was a Kodiak Bear. Speaking of Kodiak Bears, I thought of a new feature. Man this is getting like daytime drama.

RUSTY SAYS: "Don't listen to Aaron. He's a silly. Follow your dreams kids. Even if you fail, man at least you tried. Sure you fucked up but you went for it. You said yes to life. You should always say yes to life. ROOAAAGH."

We are chance and chaos. We are sub-atomic particles.

2009-02-07T22:41:00.007Z

This is to a girl who got into my head
with all the pretty things she did, hey, you know,
you keep me up in bed
This is to a girl who got into my head
with all the fucked up things I did, hey. maybe,
baby you can keep me up in bed
...

YAY! Internet has resolved it's issues, photobucket is running smoothly again, and now ladies and gentlemen it's time. Oh yes it's time. Time for Japanese-Food-and-Drink-Extravaganza NUMBER ONE! SUPER KUWAII!! ^_^ There are probably other things I should be talking about, but they can wait because this was one magical event guys and girls! Check it:

So basically I'm gonna take you on a magical mystery tour of all this bizarre food and drink, plus I've numbered the items for ease of reference (because I'm nice like that.) So onwards then, I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so!!

Vamino Soydrink - far left. This wasn't good. Actually, I can't imagine anyone in the world liking the taste of this. It was very easy to describe at the time, it tastes like liquid sawdust. And that's not a good taste. It's like ... cream-coloured water with the luxurious hint of dry wood at the back of the throat. Not recommended. Bad memories. 1/10 just because it exists i suppose.

AYAZAKI BBQ UDON -centre. Big and purple. Yeah now we're talking!! These were like big chewy noodles that looked like worms; especially when you put the little sachet of powder on them, who knows what was in it but it made them taste nice which is always good. I followed the advice of the packet which declared "You please add meat or ham or vegetables or other foods for your taste" and put a nice bit of steak in there, which made it super tasty! But it sure was filling! I had to throw it at Jack Black. (LOL?) 8/10.

Trendy Seaweed Rice Snack - just popping up behing the BBQ UDON. Hahaha these things were like the worst ever. Man they tasted like plank with smelly green stuff. Actually I kinda liked them, but Steve and Tom did not. They were a bit like those salt and vinegar sticks in size and shape, but unfortunately didn't taste like them. they tasted like musty seaweed, and they were made of puffed rice like a rice krispie. I just don't know what to think! All in all a baffling product. 4/10.

Braised Eel - right of BBQ UDON. I really didn't know what to make of these. They definitely weren't repulsive, well the smell was, and they looked pretty awful, but they had a strangely ... ok taste. It was like someone had taken some sardines or whatever fish you get in those little cans, dredged it in really heavy sugar and then tipped a load of brown over it. They were more like an eel lollipop than anything else! Weird stuff! But at least i managed to eat some; a success in my book! n.b. I did later regret it because i felt a little sick. But hey! I will award the braised eel 6/10.

Demae Ramen - far right. Well these little beauties were always gonna be tasty. Think super noodles but with Japanese writing. But, better than super noodles because they not only had a little sachet of powder to crack on, but also a little packet of some kind of oil/sauce! It was red and stained my fingers but it sure was tasty. If you like noodles, track these beauties down. they actually tasted of what they were supposed to be (I mixed a sesame flavoured packet with some kind of fish flavour. It tasted like fish and sesame.) And only like 47p or something, so much cheaper than super noodles, and even more superer. You just can't go wrong! 8/10.

Lotte Tataya Bears - front left. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!! These were the actual best things in life!! OMG OMG they were so tasty. I knew the bears would come good for me. I was so happy with them I took several more photos!

Just look at them. Awwwwh. It made me sad that they forced me to eat them by being so damn tasty. Sure they were pricy (£1.22) but that's a tiny price to pay for the fun and wonder of eating such a marvellous bear-shaped treat! And all the pictures on the actual biscuits are awesome. Like, bears in different professions! I think also they are actually making money to save Koala Bears, which is also very very cool. I went to the website actually, to see if I could find out anything else but unfortunately all i got was this:

And the only words I can make out are 'KOALA NO MARCH' which is nice but who knows?! I give them 10000000000/10!!!'!11!

So onto any other business:
I has none. Gonna go out for dinner today, well, lunch I guess? But yeah, should be good. I'm surprised actually that I haven't managed to blow all my money on pointless shit yet! Woo! Go me! I was watching series one of Skins with Tom on DVD yesterday, that's actually where the title of this post comes from, not TBS this time. It was actually quite inspiring that speech, considering it was written for a teen drama about sex and drugs. Good work writers! Unrealistically poignant speeches ftw!! Gooooood.

Also welcome back to the Prague kids, nice to see the blogs back in full working order after that brief hiatus. Katie, you're letting the side down get on it! But yes it's been nice to hear the stories and see some lovely photos, I'm not really jear louse about missing it; a lot of good stuff happened to me here that probably wouldn't have if I'd gone to Prague. So I guess c'est la vie. Good to see people getting interviews and such for uni. this is very big things! I need to decide when to go to Stafford for my interview, I've been so caught up with my Bournemouth script and etc that I completely forgot about my first choice offering me an interview! Heck. no. agree to disagree.

That's probably all I've got time for. I'd better go do stuff. At least it's stopped snowing! I'm done. x

oh p.s. Tom keeps telling Steve we haven't paid the Gas bill and Steve is all like super-panicky about our Gas being cut off. He paid a while ago but this is funny as hell. LOL.

non-sequitur rant + bonus features!

2009-02-06T11:52:00.005Z

@Joseph: AGREED.

This snow. This frozen hell water. Man. It was fun before, now it's just annoying. I hate slipping it's the worst. I also hate turning up to college when it finally does decide to open, only to spend twenty minutes there with ONE OTHER PERSON!! (admittedly she was a lovely person. OR SHOULD THAT BE LIVLY?? (lol)) And then get told that college had to close for safety reasons! FUCK. The brief amount of Key Skills I experienced was actually quite a laugh. Anthony Kila is a hero. All we did was listen to Bob Marley and sit around. Three Little Birds ftw.
What an actual pointless week this has been. 3 days of college, 2 cancelled, 1 skipped by me and everyone else. Fucking queef. AND to make matters worse, Tom crashed his car on the way to pick me up!! Nothing too bad, just a ding and an exchange of details but still. Bummed. And it's still snowing. Sideways. MAN. Earlier it was ridiculous. I couldn't even see when I went out it was snowing so heavy. I guess you could call it a WHITEOUT. That's not a pun, that's actually a thing. I don't know what I was going for there. SO we came home. It took an age because the traffic was moving so slow. People were having fun though, and why not? SNOW DAY WAH. fml.

Bonus Features part 1.
Oh yeah also, I was interested to read Narayan's blog yesterday. I was very happy to hear from him, I thought it was perhaps the lack of wireless in Prague that messed him up and indeed this was the case. But anyway, it was nice. Also nice (not nice but ... reassuring? I dunno) is the fact that Prague isn't all it wasn't cracked up to be. Still, I hate it when I miss out on in-jokes, seeing as in-jokes are one of my very favourite things. Meh oh well. I have a feeling that friendships may change ever-so-slightly after Prague, not just between the people that went, but between them and the people who didn't. For example, why do I feel so close to Narayan all of a sudden??! Jeez sorry man. He is a very inspiring person though. I mean, Narayan is someone i think who can do anything that he wants, and succeed at it, and that is just very inspiring is all. It's still snowing.

Bonus Features part 2.
Someday soon I will do one of the things I've wanted to do for a long time. And what that thing is is to buy lots of Japanese food from our favourite multi-national supermarket chain, and attempt to cook and eat it with no idea what exactly it is. I spotted some prime targets today including AYAZAKI BBQ UDON and TATAYA BEARS. I especially like the idea of Tataya bears, whatever they turn out to be. i hope it's not real bears because that would be cruel. I like bears. Especially those ones that are the biggest ... Kodiak bears maybe? hold on. Yeah Kodiak bears. Man i love those guys. I wish i had a friend who was a bear, like on Altered Beast you know? It'd be cool to hang with a bear i think, and his big bear arms, like 'ROOOAAGGHH get out of it!!' that's what he'd be like. I'd call him Rusty, or maybe Dusty? I dunno.

Rusty: "Awright?"
Me: "It's still snowing!"
Rusty: "Bloody hell. ROOOAAAGHHH!!"

Bonus Features part 3.
If you've ever seen Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift then you'll know it has a super kuwaiii soundtrack, which is always important for pleasing the Japanese fanboys and fangurls ^_^ but yes (Man this is becoming a very Japan-centric post. Sorry about that everyone) Tom downloaded the soundtrack yesterday and it's become a fast favourite in the car. The Teriyaki Boyz stuff on that album is ridiculous, but also good at the same time! Especially the first track good heavens! Here is a link to their website, in Japanese of course I think you may enjoy it, they do a lot of work with Pharrell Williams too. Go Japan!

Bonus Features part 4.
I love this video awoooooooo Arby n' the Chief FTWWWWWW!!!

"on lief Arbitur, on lief"

And I do believe that is all from me! I am done. x
p.s. it's still snowing waaaaaaaaah

It's times like these where silence means everything

2009-02-05T20:18:00.009Z

Can't you, can't you feel it rolling off your lips,
tensing up your shoulders,
C'mon say it is ...
Well it's love (It's love)
Make it hurt (I deserve it)

Hmm bit of a bizarre day today. Woke up ridiculously early, like 3:33 am (I love that as a time, isn't it glorious? All times with alliterative numbers -if that is a real thing (I know it's not because by definition the word 'alliterative' refers to literature. Christ, brackets within brackets)- are awesome.) And and yes, it was snowing again. I was like 'Oh crap, there goes college.' So I slipped back off to sleep, not easily, but I got there in the end. I woke up again at around 7:11. This time is not as glorious. But it is essential. Anyways, I got up and it had snowed ... a little? I mean, not a lot, not enough to close a college, or at least it shouldn't have been, but it was. I checked the CRC website and sure enough the place was code red. Fuckers. I went downstairs and took a photo. It's a nice photo but don't let the prettiness of everything distract you from the fact that there really is not much snow. ANYWAY rant over. College should be open more.

So yeah?

After I discovered I was gonna be at home today I went to search for breakfast. Here's what I found:

Yeah that's right, Cookie Crisp cereal with Tesco Finest channel island milk ... eaten out of a saucepan. Always classy. It's not my fault, we has no bowls!! Someone has stolen them all. I blame Finlay McIrish.

So yeah, I sat around in bed for a while this morning, working on my script to send off to Bournemouth. I managed to get it finished which is nice, just reeled off like a post-apocalyptic comedy. I dunno. I was quite happy with it. I'll give it to Johannes to have a look over, see if he thinks it's ok. Let's hope it's enough to secure me an interview or something?? After that I headed to our favourite multi-national supermarket chain for some dinner. In the end all I did was stand around looking at magazines for about ten minutes because TOM CALLED ME UP! Here's how the conversation went:

ME: "Hey Tom"
TOM: "Hey you wanna get dinner?"
ME: "Boots meal deal?"
TOM: "If you want"
ME: "Woooooooooooo!"

So yeah then I/we did that. Tom had some bank debacle, I stood around texting my girl ;) I could think of worse ways to spend the day to be honest. I am so happy with how that is going right now. Gosh you know, I didn't think I could be properly properly happy with a situation like this (call it relationship if you want) but I actually really am! And it can only get better the way I see it. Life is very very good right now, and it's all because of her.

SO it's a Thursday. Skins tonight, gonna be watching. A lot of people are saying this series is nowhere near as good as the first 2 series. Bullllllshit. I love the new characters. Cook, who no-one is supposed to like, is still my favourite character. He's just written so well. Man I'd love to write for Skins. Everyone should watch it. NOW! Not now but in an hour. I like to point to the sky. I like snow but only in the sunshine. I want to hold hands with her right now, silently, just because we can.

I'm done. x

A lot can happen in five hours

2009-02-04T20:37:00.006Z

Hey, Hi, not a real blog this one (hence the lack of TBS-influenced title and random lyrics that should be occupying this space,) just thought I'd mention this new album I got hold of today.
It's called 'The Sound of Bassline Vol.2' Yeah I know right? Madness. I mean I like heavy bass lines, but usually only in moderation, out on a Friday I can't get enough but day to day I'm not an avid listener. But fuck, it was crazy. Some of the breakdowns are epic. Like WAAA WAA WAAA WAWAAAA and all that, you know. Anyway, if you want a little advice on the picks of the album, here's a few to look out for (maybe download. Legally of course!)
I'll do them in no particular order.

-Dizzee Rascal Feat. Calvin Harris & Chrome 'Dance Wiv Me' Agent X Remix
-Skepta 'Rolex Sweep' Jamie Duggan Meets Da Booda In Yer Face Mix
-Steve Angello & Laidback Luke Feat. Robin S 'Show Me Love' Dub Mix (I wish this was longer, it's ridiculously good.)
-Natasha Bedingfield Single Delinquent Remix (I didn't expect this one to be any good but my gosh! The breakdown is sick. Just like WAAAAAP WAAA WAAAA. It makes you wanna dance which is always a good thing!)

So yes. Just keeping you updated. Man this was a lame post. Must do better!

This is what living like this does

2009-02-04T12:00:00.007Z

I am the cause to all your problems,
shelter from cold. We are never alone.
co-ordinate brain and mouth.
Then ask me what it's like to have
myself so figured out.
I wish I knew ...

Brand New. We are all Brand New. I bought chocolates for myself, only because they were half price, but still. Not good. I ended up sharing them with Steve and Sarah, not Tom because he's out playing squash. I think it's pretty safe to assume I won't be sharing Valentine's day with anyone this year. Again. But things are good! It's awesome to nearly have someone. To ALMOST have someone I guess. But still, yes. I'm looking forward to new things and new people, new places and faces. I pretty much just stole that straight from one of Narayan's previous blogs, but it's true. Relationships always bring news things, and all of a sudden everything is very exciting! Wooo! OMG i thought 2 Girls 1 Cup was bad. 2 Girls 1 Finger ... Jesus christ. The Japanese get up to some freaky shit. Don't watch it if you're eating, or easily offended, in fact not just easily offended; don't watch it full stop. It's one of those that haunts you. Eugh.

I wish Narayan would blog from Prague. I kinda wanna know what I'm missing.

It looks so good. But then again looks can be deceiving. I mean, look at me right? I don't know exactly what I mean by that but I am probably deceptive in some sort of way. Maybe you think with my trucker cap, fingerless gloves, safety pins and jet black fringe over my eyes that I'm some kind of emo. Yeah that'd be about right. Hmm. Ok that was a bad example. Fucking hell I don't really like cricket. I wish I had something better to do than sit here. I WISH I WAS IN PRARGH. Everything comes back to money. You know whose fault it is? Rachel. Rachel freaking Thornton. I blame her entirely for the fact I am here instead of there. I thought she was staying at college so i decided not to go, planning to hang with her but then guess what? She fucks right off, jacks college in altogether and that was that. No Rachel, no fun times, no Prague, no no no nothing. So I'm sat here eating Dairy Box, watching cricket i don't care about, listening to Salter laugh like a cross between a gypsy and a mouse, and a cat being strangled. fucking hell. I guess this is what living like this does.

Hit Pizza Hut earlier with Tom. It was nice, you know, like Pizza is. And some bottomless 7-up. We had some buffet. the pasta was rather good. Tasted like cauliflower cheese. Which i like. And there was a parmesan grater there and you had to do it yourself and er i think i broke it. Sorry Pizza Hut. Blue Cheese Dressing is my absolute favourite! If I was American i'd eat it all the time.

Om nom nom nom nom nom

Ok so apparently it's gonna snow again tomorrow morning, like 4 til 10 something like that. That might be ok but it also might suck. I kinda don't want college to be cancelled again cos I have plans to hang with Liv and stuff, and I wouldn't mind seeing Dave and Paul and Shelle and everyone. I mean, I'm missing the Prague kids, but I miss those guys too. Daaaaave!!! (MOD -7:47am the next day: It snowed again and College is cancelled. FML.) My feet are excited at the prospect of the weekend. I don't know what I'm gonna be doing but I hope it includes going out ^_^ Maybe have some kind of reunion meet-up with the Prague kids, even though it's only been a week lol. Keyboards are cool. Taking pictures of keyboards is fun. GOOD HEAVENS I need to start my script for Bournemouth. If anyone has any ideas for it, based on these few titles:

Looking for the truth is not always wise
Pray that your greatest wish is not answered
Friendship comes with a price tag
The generation gap

Then please tell! I've got little ideas for spots of dialogue, but no idea how or where to fit them in to any of these titles. Ruth help me!

I think that will be all! Done. x

Open arms reject assuming hands

2009-02-03T13:15:00.003Z

Hey now, the past is told by those who win
My darling, what matters is what hasn't been
Hey now, we're wide awake and we're thinking
My darling, believe your voice can mean something

Leona Lewis sounds like this: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. mmm. A lot of talk lately about that girl. I talked about her before, she wanted her boyfriend to cheat on her so she had an excuse to break up with him. Well he didn't, but she did. (Break up with him that is.) Which kinda sucks for him. He's a great guy, supports a cunty football team but still, gotta lotta time for him. I don't know what is wrong with her. Every time she has something good she ruins it herself. Finds problems that aren't there or causes them. There's something wrong - in her head or her heart. I find myself wishing I could fix her because people shouldn't live like that; sabotaging the best things they have for no good reason. But there are occasions, very rare I'll admit, but there are occasions where words don't work. Not even mine! I KNOW! Action is what is needed in this case, and I'm not the man for that job. She knows what she wants; what she needs, but she seems afraid to go after it. Like she's afraid to be anything other than what people expect her to be. I hope she finds what she needs, I really really do. I'm writing in short sentences here, that's never good lol. Just ... People can be anything they want. You'll never know how your own story ends if you follow everyone else.

Reminds me of a song. A lot of things do these days. Here I am sat inside watching Doctors, fuck my life. Don't get me wrong, I quite like Doctors, but I wish I had something more useful or meaningful to do. I might eat a KitKat. Oh yeah! I got an interview at Stafford, either the 28th Feb or the 4th March. Not sure which I'm gonna go for yet, I guess I'll have to consult with James; as he already lives up there then we might meet up or something yay! Also on the university front, Bournemouth want me to send them a fresh script that I've knocked up before the 12th I think it is, so I should really start on that soon! University - Big deals! It's real life and it's fucking coming up fast. I am nervous. But I am ... excited? I think that is the right word. I wanna play some Tony Hawk's. (Non-sequitur ftw - just for Ruth ^_^) Pretty worried that I haven't actually had any offers yet. Not even from Anglia Ruskin! Jeez. I should have applied to Lincoln. Colleen was straight in there. I miss my hometown. I miss football. I miss a lot of things but I think I also have a lot to be thankful for right at this moment. Like the fact we might soon be getting a new fridge-freezer from the estate agents! YAY! Now that's big. What's so great about being an adult anyway? Sure we can have sex and smoke drugs, but we can also put so much meaning, pour so much hope into a single dream that when this dream is finally achieved it can never possibly live up to expectations ... That makes me sad.

I got Skins series 1 and 2 boxed set this morning too. Skins is fun. Cassie remains my favourite ever character. I think it's true that some people just need people. If you've ever seen Frank Darabont's 'The Mist' you'll know just how gut-wrenching cinema can be. The ending of that film makes me almost physically sick to my stomach. Has anyone else noticed how every new movie seems to be coming out on the 6th February? The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, He's Just Not That Into You, Friday the 13th (the remake) and that one about the Dog that has super powers. ... Benjamin Button looks damn good. Brad Pitt is sometimes pretty great right? yeah I think he is. RIGHT I'm gonna play some Tony Hawk's, shred some kickers and etc. I don't know what that means. But it sounds cool right? yeaaaah man. I think the gang finally got to Prague today, or are on the way now. And i think they're staying an extra day too. Oh yeah, I skipped college day. According to Dave, so did everyone else. Fucking ridiculous that we're supposed to go in to do real lessons anyway, 4 of us or whatever. There is literally NO point. Eugh. Oh well, Wednesday free. Gonna maybe try and go to Pizza hut for the classic buffet. Running out of cash fast though and I still need to pay for that trip to Stafford at some point.

Hmmm i think that's all for now. Thank you to all my new followers! I love youuu! Done. x

Breaking from tradition: That's snow joke

2009-02-02T16:42:00.009Z

I got some special lyrics for you this time, written by me. Here's how it goes:

Fuck, look at all that snow
it's cold but it's pretty awesome
Shit man it's really cold especially on my face
Later it will be warmer indoors
But less fun!

This country is fucking ridiculous. 2 inches of snow and everything goes to hell. I can't ... I mean how can a small amount of frozen, powdered water render the capital city useless, close airports, ruin transport links ... I just don't understand. I mean, in other countries that exist such as Finland, Iceland, Russia, Norway, even parts of Chile, I can't imagine they have this trouble every time it snows. No-one would be able to work ever, or get anywhere, and that would just be silly. Just like this country. Fucking hell. Shops that were INDOORS were closing because of the weather. WTF?! This is madness. (This is England.) etc. And Prague got fucked up. As soon as it started snowing heavy at like 3am, the writing was on the wall. I'm not entirely sure what's going on, but I think they're going tomorrow now? I need confirmation of that though. BUT on the plus side, me and Tom built a kicker last night/early this morning and I took some awesome photos of him shredding the shit out of Midsummer Common. Take a looksee:

Yeah I could be a pro right? And so could he probably. Snowboarding is so cool ^_^ This was such an awesome night. If you've never mashed together a kicker in minus 4 so your mate can catch about 4 feet of air over a bin and then fall over, you've never lived.

James and James couldn't make the journey home today cos of the snow, so we hit town again. Had some laughs in the snow. Cold laughs, but laughs nonetheless! I bought a new bag, that was yesterday's news, and I was looking for a hat to match, because you gotta match accessories in this day and age right? Yeah man. Didn't find one unfortunately. Billabong failed me today. I dunno. I might have enough hats. Who the hell is Daniel G Thomas? (non-sequitur and I apologise.) Outside, Tom hit me on the head with a giant snow blob and then it looked like i was wearing a spike on my head. Facebook will probably be carrying a photo at some point in time. Check me out what up. I wonder if college is gonna get cancelled this week? It's almost pointless anyway, and now with this snow, not only pointless, but DANGEROUS! lol. fucking hell it's pathetic. It's just frozen powdered water.

I got a disappointing Boots meal deal today. The best part was the crisps. FUCKING HELL GRAHAM! (non-sequitur again.) So yeah, it was the whole Walkers design-a-flavour thing going on in Boots. I opted for Onion Bhaji out of that, Fish and Chips, Cajun Squirrel (???) Duck and Hoisin Sauce, Builders Breakfast and Chilli and Chocolate (eugh no thanks.) But yeah the crisps were nice. I recommend them if you like indian snacks in crisp form! I read a blog by the girl I like. Kinda confusing. I'd love to say I know exactly where I stand but that'd be a lie. I'm still optimistic though. It might be quick but it's not quite painless. I hope it doesn't rain, that'd suck because it'd make the snow disappear. I Don't want that!!

I'm gonna e-mail some snowboarding magazines to see if I can get something going. Earlier on I got an e-mail from Sian Williams who does BBC Breakfast News telling me to be careful in the snow and saying that I can't have one of the mugs they use on there. Letdown but awesome! SIIAAAANNN!!

SO yes I'm done. x.

You could count on me for that and nothing more

2009-02-01T16:44:00.008Z

Exchange the sunshine for brown eyes and dark skies
Replace this dull life with you
I know it's tomorrow
She's waiting for something to feel alive

So here we go again. Not long since last blog but you know what? YOU KNOW WHAT? There are things to discuss. Has anyone seen the new Gilette advert? It's definitely awful, but maybe just slightly more awful than the last one, which is a pretty impressive achievement. YAY. Good work Thierry and Tiger and Mr. Federer. But you just lost the Open final didn't you? Yes you did. Rafael Nadal is a powerhorse, just like the energy drink that Patrick invented. Good effort. Was it powerhorse? Bitches (including me) don't even know.

I love the snow. I know I have made that point before but I thought I'd better re-iterate because good heavens I love it. It's been snowing on and off here today, but hopefully tonight it's gonna flurry big time. We need snow tomorrow because me and Tom have plans. We're gonna go out to midsummer common, knock up a couple of kickers and Tom's gonna grind the benches and shit and I'm gonna film it, and it's gonna be sweet. As long as it snows heavy! COME ON WEATHER, just do this one thing for me. I meant to mention, last time I was here, about the trip to London on Thursday. I think i was on TV, in the audience for The Wright Stuff (yeah i know right?) which is er ... fine? I GUESS. But better than that was the bus journey. Minibus. I really love bus/coach/minibus travel. I don't know why at all, I guess I just haven't had a bad experience yet, which is nice. Chatting with Colleen and J and Lav and Katie and Narayan and Dave and everyone, and Sue Breeze's ridiculous driving, it was just really nice, friendships were strengthened and allsorts. The only thing that was bad about it was that on the drive home we had the nicest afternoon for ages, sunny and bright and even warm, and we were stuck on a minibus. But c'est la vie. C'est la Wright Stuff.

Tonight is the night then folks. A night of heroes. Of hopes and dreams; of destinies fulfilled or destroyed. It all comes down to this. Because tonight is Superbowl night. We're having Hotdogs, Hamburgers, Fried Chicken and BBQ Ribs to celebrate. I am very much looking forward to it. Anyway, enough about a sport that no-one cares about.

EVERYONE should listen to 'Boy/Girl Surrender' by Pony Pony Run Run. Tom was playing it this morning, god knows where he found it, but it's magical stuff. They're some sort of French synth-rock band and it's glorious. Everyone should also listen to PhantomSmasher. They are the most ridiculous band I have ever encountered. I would try to describe their music accurately but I don't actually think that's possible. Ambient progressive grind/math-core/electronic?? That's some of the random words I could throw in their direction. Basically if you like noise combined with other, more aggressive noise, then these guys are for you.

ONE more thing. Could I ask you guys a favour? Could I get everyone who reads this to comment please, I just wanna know what I'm dealing with because I have some followers who I'd never encountered before I saw them over there on the right. It'd be nice to have a rough idea how many or how few people I'm preaching to. Preaching is the wrong word. Complaining I guess. NAH I think I'm pretty happy most of the time, at least I try to be, sometimes life is difficult my friends! But I think, touch wood, everyone seems very happy at the minute. And that's awesome.

prague tomorrow. good luck with not being killed! Done. x

This is quick but not quite painless

2009-01-31T19:44:00.008Z

Go on just say it,
You need me like a bad habit,
One that leaves you defenseless, dependent and alone
(Are you afraid to say what you want to, tell me you want to)

WEEEEEELLLLLLLL. It's been a while since I blogged (I say a while, only a couple of days to be honest but on the internet that's like 60 million years) And so I am back. With stories and allsorts. Been having a fucking good weekend, the boys are down, the chips are down, we're throwing money round, sometimes foreign people make ordering food confusing, don't you think? NANDO's. You ever been to Nando's? Well Nando's is the worst place, the food is awesome, but when you go up to order they just fire questions at you like it's an interrogation, "HOW SPICY? ANY CHEESE OR PINEAPPLE? ANY SIDES? STARTERS? NUTS OLIVES? DRINK WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DRINK? HOW SPICY??!" fuckers. James got confused. He ended up ordering 2 sides and no main course, and not getting a glass for his drink. Bad times for him. and the other James thought they said 'house price' when they said 'how spicy?' and it was all a shambles. Me and Tom managed it ok though so heyyyy good times. And the food is good. Especially the wings. nom nom nom.

SO hey I was out last night, plenty of girls around hehe but I couldn't keep my mind off a girl that wasn't there (sorry Colleen, not you ;P) I was texting her pretty-much all night and today, dunno exactly what this is gonna lead to but I really really hope it's something. Because I don't know what I'd do if all of this meant nothing. I honestly believe that this means something. Sometimes you can just feel it you know? When something is different. Well this is one of those times. If you don't understand any of what I've just written, then fine, but if you do, I am glad. James thought his jacket got stolen, but actually it was on a chair that was over the other side of the room. Also, there was a tiny mexican man jiving around on the dancefloor, he was loving it. James hi-fived him. GOOD actual TIMES. And when Pendulum came on around 12:45 ... man ... It went OFF. James was going crazy, everyone was going crazy, mad mad mad maddddness. Love it. We thought we were gonna have to fight some guy, but he just wanted to know where the strip club was, ain't that always the way?

Why do black guys always sound the same in my impression of them? Crazy times. They always sound like a cross between L'il Wayne and Samuel L. Jackson. Sorry black guys. Talking of black guys, good heavens it's Superbowl time tomorrow!! WOOOO!! Arizona Cardinals, even if you don't win, you made me proud boys. Darnell Dockett, Adrian Wilson, Karlos Dansby, DEFENSE WINS CHAMPIONSHIPS!! Well, and offense. Larry Fitz and Kurt Warner, you win championships? Pleaaase?

Hit that sonofabitch. Hit him hard. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH. They are the things that are painful. You feel me?

GUYS it's Prague for those suckas next week. I kinda wish i was going, but at the same time, It's not gonna be life-changing. I dunno. HOPEFULLY Narayan is gonna blog from Prague so I can keep up with the goings-on. I hope no-one changes their pound coins for euros to go! Because they use Czech Krona's silly. Good heavens. DIG DUG TROUBLE! AHAHAAAAA. Dig Dug. what a game. You ever played it? I doubt it, but you should. You play a white smurf, and you dig and and inflate dragons that turn into faces and yellow blobs and er ... yeah it's awesome. Not really it's for the frikkin MAME. came out in like 81. siiick.

Guy I meant for this blog to be better but it hasn't really worked out like that has it? fuck sake. lol oh well I'm done. x

That's where I wanna be

2009-01-28T01:58:00.005Z

They will see us waving from Such Great Heights
"come down now," they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away
"come down now," but we'll stay

Sometimes I want to be somewhere else. It's not my fault this time. Blame Tom. Once you see these photos then you might want to be somewhere else too. I think there's just something about snow. I love snow and I especially love high-contrast snow shots. WHICH IS LUCKY!

Some people have all the luck. Not Tom, he got his bags lost by easyjet on the way back (including two snowboards, bindings, boots) which is pretty sucky. BUT hey you win some you lose some. And he won at being in France on a snowboarding holiday.

Oh I also found out that you can buy a watch that is made from rusted steel from the wreck of the Titanic. That sounds like the best thing ever (maybe not technically the best thing ever, but still, pretty awesome right?) Maaaan i want one, but it's one of those situations where the website has no price listed, which basically means 'you don't have the money to buy this.' Probably true! GOSH also before I forget: Congratulations Narayan! (I believe we are calling it 27 hours well spent.) And congratulations Jamie! (I believe we are calling it published work muthafucka?) And and congratulations ... everyone else! (I believe we are calling it a day now.)

Gonna spend the day in Cambridge tomorrow. Gonna get breakfast, and walk, and sit, and talk. Nothing else to do because I don't have you (yet.) Still, it's gonna be a laugh. God bless the daylight.

I'm done. x

We coexist

2009-01-27T18:16:00.004Z

She said "No-one is alone, the way you are alone"
And you held her looser than you would have
if you ever could have known

So I got called an idiot for believing things can be better.
This is something entirely new.

Oh yeah, I could tell you all stories about being alone.
About January 2008. About how my wrists looked.
But I could tell you how there were people who cared.
How there are ALWAYS people who care.
We are here on this earth for a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a millisecond. We are dust.
But even dust needs to feel like it belongs sometimes I guess.

Yeah, words are my weapons
but these rounds were extra-special.
I marked them 'truth.'

done. x

You move slow like daytime drama, and I'm boring like his songs

2009-01-26T23:58:00.006Z

Shout and scream my friends, connect with me and we'll pretend
This night will never end, this night will never end
Just let go you'll see together we'll do anything
This night will never end, this night will never end

So. Hey. Went shopping today ^_^ Bought some new stuff, such as a hat and some shoes and a wallet and it was all pretty much awesome. Actually I can probably dig out a photo, forgive the emo fringe and whatnot, but that's me you know, fringe and a beard, can't complain. I can complain, because I wish my beard wasn't so ginger, it's weird. BUT NEVER MIND c'est la vie as they say in France.

There we are. Lovely eh? I always look so pale in photographs ... I guess that's just because I turn the contrast up 2 clicks on every photo of me just by default. Force of habit. Talking of contrast, what a contrast in my mood from last week to this. I feel so buoyant, which is odd because I hate buoys almost as much as I hate Snakes. Yeah like I said, I have the feeling it's going to be a good week. And it has not disappointed so far. Let's hope tomorrow is less than awful, and we'll be onto a winner. ESPECIALLY as my friends James and James are coming down on Thursday for a weekend of being drunk, sitting, reminiscing (bout days when I had a Mustang?) I love to reminisce. It kinda ruins my spontanaeous possibly-going-to-Prague-for-lolz plan, but hey, it's allll good.

So I know a girl. And this girl is insecure. And she likes me, (I know this because she has told me!) and I like her quite quite a lot. BUT here's the problem guys and girls. She seems too unsure of herself, and everyone else, like the world has been nothing but cruel to her, and she can't seem to take anything that I say at face value. If i told her I loved her right now she would laugh it off and say that I was lying. BUT I WOULD NOT BE LYING. Why would i lie about something like that?! Gosh. Anyway that makes me sad, because I can see a future with this girl, which is odd because no girl has ever really made me feel like I could actually be with them (like really really for real) before. CRAZY RIGHT?! Yeah maybe, but it's nice to think about sometimes. It's nice to think that you are very nearly with someone. Maybe that's better than actually being with someone. I don't really know. I guess make the most of now is the message, because who knows what's gonna happen tomorrow. I think I might text her. For god sake, do something.

It takes one to know one. Joseph's blog was interesting. I tell a lie, it was fascinating. He writes so beautifully, so poetically. I am in love with Joseph even though he is out of love with all of this. I am sorry my friend that your soul is not long for this world. Alas; I hardly knew thee. Anyway that is my blog fan-boy mode over for today. And not a moment too soon I do believe. I SHOULD SHOWER. My clothes are worryingly un-dry. I hope the sun is out tomorrow. But if it's not I shall try not to be too disheartened. Whatever the opposite of fuck my life is. That.

I'm done. x

So what's it feel like to be a ghost?

2009-01-26T00:07:00.004Z

We could have had it all
Our backs against the wall
Our eyes blindfolded tight
Living what they call life

Louder now louder now. HEY so here we are again huh? Looks like the world is still going ok despite the fact I didn't blog yesterday. Don't panic Mr Mainwaring. Don't panic. Talking of the world and such issues, hey there's some credit crunch and whatnot. Jeez. But hey don't worry about it because I'm gonna buy myself a sweet Billabong cap and trainers and I am gonna look like a fucking emo troubadour. (Is that how you spell troubadour?) LET'S HOPE SO EH? Yeah man so when I get my paper, it's gonna go off. I fancy going somewhere, you know, like somewhere I haven't been. Going to new places has always been one of my favourite things. I would love to go to Prague next week just randomly, turn up and say hello to Drew and the kids, but I fear the only thing that would achieve is me going on report for not being at college. Bureaucracy eh? Red tape. You know how it is. But still ... if they think I'm gonna be sat there like a retard at college while everyone is getting pissed in the Czech Republic then they've got another thing coming. YOU HEARING THIS DREWBERT? I SAID FUCK THAT SHIT.

ONE WEEK FROM NOW is the Superbowl. Superbowl XLIII. Now that might not mean a lot to anyone who reads this because it's American Football (The sport Narayan.) But still, it's big and it's important and I'm looking forward to it. It's always good to have things to look forward to isn't it? I get the feeling this is going to be a gooood week. Rest assured you'll be the first to know if it isn't. Or if it is. This brings me neatly on to my next port of call. Jamie Smith. A very good friend of mine, in fact I might be so bold as to say my best friend. Anyway, what's been going on in his life lately has been very interesting, and sort of BIG. I'm sure he won't mind me saying he didn't apply to uni this year, a decision which i admit i questioned at the time like I guess a few people did considering how he moaned like a bitch about it. ANYWAY that's not important now. What is important is that a few weeks later two great opportunities fell right onto his face. AND THAT MY FRIENDS, IS SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT SPECIAL, DON'T YOU THINK? Sometimes things work out the way you want just because you take a chance. It's quite inspiring and just an awesome story really. Good work Jamie is the moral of this story. Do good things, take a few chances, and good things can happen. (Sssh don't let anyone hear but do you think some kind of higher power was at work there? Maybe ... fate?) Fate. What a ridiculous concept. But that's for another time.

OK onto other news: Skateboarding looks fun. I should be a skateboardist but alas I am too large for wooden boards. OOH Johnny Cash just came on! Awesome times. Very good lyrics too. A friend of mine wants her boyfriend to cheat on her so she can dump him. Don't you think that's kind of weird? Although in her circumstances perhaps I can accept it, her boyfriend does have some very strange friends who might put bodily fluids on her if she dumps him, and not in a good way either! People are sometimes stupid. She is kinda fucked up, self-destructive, bitchy, aggressive, a liiiittle bit insecure ... but she's amazing. I love her to bits. I dunno what went wrong but I hope she finds something better.

This has gone on for far too long. The wind is picking up now. My bones ache and my skin feels cold. We're gonna die like this you know? Miserable and old. But this week feels like it's gonna be good. It has promise, this week.

I'm done. x

This Photograph is Proof - And I most definitely know you know

2009-01-23T19:03:00.006Z

Now I'm lying on the table
with everything you said
it will all catch up eventually
well it caught up and honestly
the weight of my decisions
were impossible to hold
but they were never yours
they were never yours

So could Failmouth be my home for the next three years? (STARTING SEPTEMBER THAT IS!) They sent me a letter asking me along for an interview on the 17th February (I THINK?!) which is pretty awesome news - although I'm guessing they do it for everyone so meh, if that's the procedure then let's get it on. If the photo is anything to go by, the place looks pretty awesome. Let's just hope everything gets sorted with the interview and etc. Narayan will need to be consulted! (Oh and sorry Narayan for stealing your idea of the picture and everything ^_^)

College was fine today, skipped Key Skills because let's face it, there is absolutely no point to it apart from to make you not be a liar on your UCAS app. I suppose if I said I was gonna have a Level 2 ICT and numeracy I should probably be trying to get them but er ... I'm not. It's horrible. I popped in for the last ten minutes of ICT today and Dave and J were sat around debating whether you could crash planes into the Twin Towers on a Flight Simulator. J mentioned a tetris-themed Twin Towers .gif that he'd seen, we searched for it in vain for a few minutes. Key Skills ended. That right there is a little window into how much we care about learning Key Skills, and how much the teacher cares about making us learn it. Very, very little.

Anyway back to the main themes, back to the streets. UNIVERSITY. The big one. Some people are going, some people are not, some people should be going but don't want to, some people don't want to go but are being forced to. Whichever category you fall into, that's fine. I'm not here to judge, I'm just here to talk for no reason. So Falmouth were the second uni to get back to me, the first being Anglia Ruskin but the less said about them the better. I'm not gonna lie, I probably won't be going to Failmouth unless it's the only place that offers me a spot. It's a long way from here. From anywhere in fact. I'm caught in two minds because half the time I think anywhere is better than here (during my emo spells) and half the time I think moving so far away might just cut me off totally with everyone I used to know/currently know ... Which would fucking suck. We've already lost Rachel, I don't fancy losing everyone else so easily. You know what else PISSES ME OFF about Falmouth? It's one of the few places in the country that to get there by 10:30 am by train you actually have to leave THE PREVIOUS DAY! FML! So God knows how I'm gonna get there for the interview, I hope Narayan will have an idea!

That's pretty much all I came on to say. That and I'd better pop to Tesco in a second. Steve and SAS (It stands for South African Sarah. She's his girlfriend. She doesn't speak with as much of an accent as I'd like to be honest) have gone out to some Thai restaurant for dinner. Green Curry and Red Curry and Yellow Curry and Rice? I think so. What do Thai's eat for dessert? Sounds like the start of a really crappy joke, but it's not. I genuinely don't know. OH CRAP I know what I forgot. I was gonna say about Skins last night. I LOVED IT! And I know Colleen and Lav and other people that saw it did too. Even Zoe who thought it was gonna suck liked it. Cook is easily my favourite character, followed closely by Emily. Twins are fun. I used to know two sets of twins, Alison and Melanie and ... holy shit I've forgot the names of the others. Christ. Primary school was a long time ago guys.

Right I'm gone. Stay safe.

This is me with the words on the tip of my tongue

2009-01-22T16:43:00.006Z

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in
And if you did not want to see me again
I would understand

So I'm starting a new thing with this blog where the posts take their names from lyrics from Taking Back Sunday songs. And I'm also gonna put some general lyrics that I may or may not have just been listening to up at the top too, could be that they mean something to me when I hear them or maybe I'm just doing it for lulz. WHY? WELL WHYTF NOT? This is my blog I'll do what I want with it ok? Yes that is ok. MM I know it is because I said it. WHAT THE HELL THERE IS A MAN STOOD ON THE TOP OF A VAN! I THOUGHT HE WAS REALLY TALL BEFORE I INVESTIGATED FURTHER! That's delightful!

Bit of a strange day today eh? Got home early because my tutor is kind of strange. Yessir. Lina, good heavens you're dreadful. Anyway me and Fraser cut because she said we could. I was actually kinda surprised that nobody else left, considering how awful the lesson is and how relatively early we got out. Three-15 instead of 4-four:30. And the sun was shining when we got outside, which was lovely, cos it was rainy and awful when I left the house this morning. Yeah then I missed the shuttle bus but I didn't really mind because it gave me a chance to chat to Fraser. We had a laugh about things like the price of alcohol and Chris Deller and our lack of success with the ladies. Ahh good times. YES then I got home on the bus, the Citi 4 no less, and found out i had some money coming my way, which is always nice. Now, I think this every time i get a significant sum of money, but I might try not to just blow it on stuff that I don't need, wouldn't that be nice? Nah let's be honest, I don't care. Money's for spending on making yourself and other people happy, and if I don't come out of it with anything to show for it except having made my friends happy, well I'll be fine with that.

I'm going to try and work on a powerpoint presentation about my Final Major Project in a second. I should be doing it now, but I'm here blogging instead. I guess that says a little bit about how much I care about this work. I'd much rather be writing a script for something than doing a powerpoint about what I'm gonna write in my script. What is the fucking point? It turns out that we only have to do this to impress those douchebags from Ravensbourne (no offence) which kinda sucks, as I'm not even applying there. But c'est la vie, tout le monde, je t'aimais, je t'aime et je t'aimerai. Lol that last one looks like Samurai. ONE TWO THREE FOUR *DRUMS*

Also, the new series of Skins starts tonight, which is nice. It's one of the few things on TV that I actually find worth watching, despite the ridiculously OTT portrait it paints of teenagers. Well I dunno actually, I guess there are people with lives like that, but unfortunately I'm not one of them. Maybe if I smoked? I hear that's what all the cool kids are doing these days. I wish it would soon be warmer and brighter. Just a little warmer and brighter. Can't wait to crack out the shorts. But it's cold outside.

I'm not depressed enough to write an emo blog right at this minute, which is a shame because I'm sure I'd be good at that. OH WELL BACK TO THIS SHAMBOLIC PPT. Check it kids, catch you on the flip, etc.

Leftover Pizza, Dissapointing Peanuts and My Friend Lav

2009-01-21T00:25:00.000Z

So what the shit is up my friends from the internet? This is pretty cool huh? The way I am all here on the blog scene, making words happen for all the pretty people who live in places that are different to the place that I live in. Some of you might perhaps live in the place that I live in, but most of you will not. Wait, actually, most of you will, if you consider the place that I live in to be Cambridgeshire; as I imagine my audience for this blog will consist of Jamie and Narayan. For that I am strangely thankful and just a little bit happy. Maybe more than a little bit. Who knows?

So I bought this pizza earlier, it claimed to be Pepperoni stuffed crust. It cost me £2.99. I thought that was quite expensive for a singular disc of dough-and-meat-snack but hey, I can't argue with the profit margins of a multi-national supermarket chain I GUESS BITCH. Well anyway, I cooked up this mutha and ate some of it, like, two-thirds, and I left some in the kitchen because cold pizza is like ... well it's like nothing else on earth. It's like realising that the girl you fell in love with in High School has aged horribly and got really fat, and, and like, her sister, who was ok at the time, is now super hot, and you go date her instead. Maybe. Maybe it's like that.
ANYWAY the point I am trying to make in a roundabout way is when I ate the cold pizza later it made me think about kids' TV. I don't know why, but it did. Now, I don't know if it's just me (well I know it isn't. Steve agrees with me.) but I think kids TV these days absolutely sucks balls. Seriously. Back when I was a kid we had Postman Pat, Rosie and Jim, Bananaman, Dangermouse, Superted; now these were TV shows. Those were the glory days of kids TV. What the hell do kids have nowadays? Oh that's right - 'In the Night Garden.' A show where drugged up balloon monsters dance around and gargle ridiculous noises in an aggressive manner. Good. That's good. Kids, I pity you. You know what, when you're older you'll realise just how much this has destroyed your childhood, but for now I guess you're stuck with Nick Jr. You're stuck with Catscratch and Mighty B.
And people wonder why ten year olds are growing up with no respect for authority, why they're lashing out at teachers, parents and each other. It's called rebellion, and all you fuckers at Nickleodeon with all your mindless, watered-down, everyone's-a-dumbshit programming, you made it happen.

Also on my trip to aforementioned multi-national supermarket chain, i happened to purchase a packet of chocolate-covered peanuts for a tasty sum of 54 little pennies. A bargain, I thought, and rightly so. They certainly were low in price, but unfortunately, this magical low in cost was matched by a horrific low in quality. You know, it's like nobody even ate one of these before they sent them out from whatever giant factory they shipped from. I'm just saying, a little quality control wouldn't go amiss. Christ sake. There was some sort of weird skin on them, and it got stuck to the roof of my mouth, like when you try and siphon off petrol and it makes your mouth feel really dry? Yeah I hate that. Multi-National retailers suck, they're killing off small businesses and I am genuinely worried that when they have enough money, which must be any time now, they will actively seek to take over the world. Perhaps by force. And I don't want that.
ALSO BARACK OBAMA was sworn in as president today. I get the feeling that this is some sort of turning point in the future of the world that I live in because I believe in Barack. And about 300 million others do too, so I'm in good company I think. I stayed up on election night til around 5am with one of my best friends, just watching this amazing story unfold. I don't know why I feel so strongly about this, I don't have any reason to, but I think in life we latch onto things that can make us feel optimistic, no matter what the cause or the reason - and this is one of those cases.

So I have this friend, Lavinia. She's not French, I thought it was Lavignier when I first met her but it isn't. In fact she's half-American. Lavinia-May. She supports Barack Obama too. But that's not the reason I bring her into this bizarre equation. I was talking to her tonight. I dunno how we got onto this but she brought up the topic of 'honest voices' and 'dishonest voices' and whether everyone has one of each. I said that it depends. She asked me what on. I said 'If you can tell when someone is lying when they speak to you, then they have a dishonest voice. If you can't, then they have a very good dishonest voice.' It's not that I don't trust people in general, in fact I might be more liable than most to trust too easily ... But I dunno, recently my faith in people has been shaken, not by anything in particular, but I guess the world gets to you eventually. Everybody lies. And everybody should expect everybody to lie. Just don't come crying to me when you can't tell who has a dishonest voice and who has a very good dishonest voice.

Thanks for listening you guys. I guess I'll be back soon.